Dealing with failure

DEALING WITH FAILURE

Mario D’Couto

            I sometimes think to myself that there is so much of cry and hue over the topic called ‘positivity’ or ‘thinking positively’ that the essence of it is lost as it has become cliché. Besides, just the mere effort of a positive thought is not going to bring about a change magically. Yet, on further introspection, I have come to realize that thinking positively or being positive has its place. In order to understand it more in depth, we need to understand why a negative attitude is destructive. A negative attitude is destructive because it assumes defeat. It sort of ‘kills’ you even before the battle has begun. In this regard, I am reminded of a boxing match. The fight does not stop until you give up and surrender. A person who is pessimistic has already killed his/her chances which could have led him/her to a potential victory. Don’t let that happen! Hence to counter it, a positive attitude is a must.

            One practical way to achieve it is to think and view things in the future tense. Learn to see yourself as someone successful. It is said that the Italian sculptor Agostino di Duccio once worked diligently on a large piece of marble but was not able to produce his desired masterpiece because of which he lamented, “I can do nothing with it.” In the mean time, other sculptors tried to work on this difficult piece of marble but to no avail. Then came along Michelangelo, who, stumbling on the same stone, visualized the possibilities in it. His “I can make it happen” attitude resulted in one of the world’s first masterpieces – the statue of David (which can be found in the Accademia Gallery in Florence, Italy).

            It was the vision of Michelangelo that brought about this magnificent piece of art. As Bruce Lee said, “The position of the anything begins in the mind”, the mind is an exceptional powerful tool and it is capable of creating what it wants. Visualizing your success is an effective way to attract and achieve your success more quickly. You have the power to programme your subconscious mind in getting what you want. Visualization is a simple way of speeding up the process by convincing the subconscious into believing that you have already done something before you actually have.

            Visualizing success often works because it re-programmes your brain to create new solutions for achieving your objectives. It also helps you see ideas that you may have been ignoring and you become more relaxed and positive, no matter what comes your way. The more you visualize your success, the more positive energy and opportunities you will find to move forward. Nevertheless, you need to clear off all the self – limiting beliefs before you visualize your success.

            William Shakespeare once said, “Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” There is no barrier as powerful or as insidious as doubt. If success is the protagonist, doubt is the antagonist. The doubts that you carry around with you and repeat to yourself over and over again serve only to prevent you from believing in yourself, improving what you do and trying new things. Doubts erode your mental strength and weaken the confidence needed for success. They make you cynical, depressed or anxious and lead you to a life of mediocrity by creating in you false beliefs about yourself concerning success and failure. What is worse is when it’s steeped into your subconscious mind. When that happens, it takes a lot of effort to dig it out or erase it.

            It takes conscious effort as well as faith and persistence to prove to yourself that your doubts are unfounded. Self – awareness is the first step to removing self – doubt. By feeding yourself with positive affirmations such as “I can do it” can replace your doubts. When you get rid of your doubts and raise your expectations, the reality of your life will reflect those improved expectations, bringing you success.

            In this regard, it is worth quoting the example of Jerry Seinfeld. The first time the young comedian went on stage at a comedy club, he looked out at the audience, froze and was eventually booed off the stage. He was a total failure in the eyes of many. Yet, Seinfeld knew he could do it. So, he went back the next night, completed his act to much laughter and loud applause and the rest is history.

            We need to have belief and confidence in ourselves. If we don’t, who will (unless you have a good soul who sees the potential in you)? Our whole lives are governed by the choices we make and the sooner we begin to realize it and become aware of it, we become more liberated and what’s more is that we would be in a better position to face life’s situations.

            Being accountable helps build confidence, trust in yourself and enhances your self – esteem as a person. When you trust yourself, others will be drawn to you and will want to be in a relationship with you, which in turn breeds tremendous respect and loyalty. But trust and belief is just half the equation, we also need to act. Nothing happens like a magic trick as a Chinese proverb goes, “If you want to realize your dreams, wake up!”

            But what if it happens that despite your best efforts, you still experience failure, what then? There are 2 solutions to this problem,

1.      When you encounter a problem, an obstacle or failure despite your best efforts, it could either imply that you may need to try something else (as it would be insane to do the same thing again and again and expect different results) or maybe it’s just not the time for your goal to be completed yet.

2.      Failure could also be seen as obstacle to see whether what you really want is worth fighting for. In this regard, anticipating failures would be helpful. This is different from assuming defeat. We should always keep in mind that life is never a straight line which is why sometimes failure can happen. However, that does not mean that I is your fault. Sometimes, setbacks and failures just happen which is why learning to accept that not everything is in your control can be liberating (for a more detailed explanation on this topic, please read my article called, “Acceptance”). As for the other things that are under your control, you should spare no effort to do your best.

                 

                 By becoming aware that not everything in life is under your control and giving the best to what you have at hand, you can make your life less frustrating and reduce stress levels. By considering the possible failures and setbacks beforehand, you are in a better position to conserve your resources, remain focused and stay on course. Also, another benefit is that you will be in a better position to handle the worst situations and look at alternative solutions to deal with different kinds of situations as they may develop from time to time and interfere with your progress. In other words, anticipating failure and taking the necessary steps to counter it removes the sting from it.

All in all, real failures do not come from making mistakes but from not making any mistake at all. To not make a mistake would be the biggest mistake. In fact, the most successful people welcome failures, seek it out and leverage it. The point is not whether failures will or will not happen but rather it is how we view and respond to it. The way you respond to your failures will determine your rate of success, I repeat, “The way you respond to your failures will determine your rate of success.” Just as a successful entrepreneur doesn’t lose focus and keeps moving through the obstacles, regarding each obstacle as another opportunity to success, so too is it the same with us. Life is like a bicycle, the moment you stop riding it, you’ll fall. So, learn to take setbacks and failures in your stride and keep fighting the good fight.