Quality Time
QUALITY
TIME
Mario
D’Couto
For some, this quarantine may be a pain but perhaps you
may have come across some people who seem to believe that this quarantine is a
time of catching up with all the lost time they could not spend with their
family due to work or other commitments and I have been thinking about it for a
while and what I am about to share is something connected with it. If you have
read my previous blogpost/article, “Making use of your time” ( https://insightsfromacommonman.blogspot.com/2020/04/making-use-of-your-time.html ), I did
mention how the quarantine can be a test for our creativity. In this
blogpost/article, we are going to see about how we can use this time to
strengthen the bonds in our family.
As the saying goes, “Charity begins at home”, the
home may perhaps be one of the best places to hone our interpersonal skills for
the outside world. Let’s face it no one is the same and even if there may be
twins in a family, the thinking patterns differ and there would always be some
sort of difference. Given the diversity that we find ourselves in and learning
to live together can be a bit challenging at times but it would be a challenge
for something good, something that pushes us to go beyond, outside ourselves.
Living together implies respect for the gifts God has
given to each member of the family. In the Body of Christ, one person’s weakness
may be compensated by another’s strength. The person who is obsessed with cleaning
probably keeps the house in good order. The one addicted to a schedule probably
sees to it that meetings begin and end on time (of course this would be
applicable if one is working from home) but what about praying together as a
family? Being meticulous and diligent about it is equally commendable and
praiseworthy. Yet if these things are not done from an inner conviction, it
would be like the Pharisee in the Gospels who did all the right things but with
an empty heart. He came before the Lord, grateful that he was not like the rest
of men. Jesus denounced this kind of attitude and praised the way of the
Publican. This man also fasted, contributed to the temple and prayed but he
came before the Lord as a sinner humbly begging for mercy. Jesus teaches us that
it is not so much about what we do that’s important but the attitude of the
heart or the motivation with which it is done. So it is not a question of
whether “will someone pat my back because I did a good deed” but whether
am I doing it genuinely out of love (Luke 18:10 – 14).
The higher values of the spirit do not exist in a cloud;
they incarnate themselves in the simple, ordinary ways in which we live in the
world with others. What more do we have than these little things to show our
love and respect for our families?
To pour coffee in the morning, to be on time for a meal,
to clean the house, to answer the telephone, to take someone to the doctor –
all of these can perhaps seem insignificant and trivial and sometimes it is
easy to get caught with the idea that the higher values of living must be
expressed in heroic ways whereas the truly heroic is usually hidden in the
everyday routine.
St. Paul wrote in his letter to the Romans, “I
cannot understand my own behaviour. I fail to carry out the things I want to do
and I find myself doing the very things I hate” (Romans 7:15) When we
find ourselves caught up in our work to the exclusion of being kind to our own
family, we know what St. Paul means. We
do not really intend to become so tied up with our work to the point that we
are not available to the people close to us but yet sometimes, because of our
human weakness, it happens nevertheless despite our best intentions.
We would rather not talk to someone because we are too
busy. Perhaps the problem is that we spend lots of time concentrating on jobs
that are safe because, unlike people, they are predictable. We fear the loss of
security that comes when we venture into uncertain situations. Attempting to
comfort others is much riskier than polishing a floor. There are many lonely
people living in immaculately clean houses.
Life is made out of little things. The only way we can
live our highest aspirations is by, striving on a daily basis to love those
around us and do whatever good we can to the best of our ability, loving both
God and neighbour. There must be a growing unity between our highest spiritual
ideals and our concrete moment – to – moment actions.
The little things of everyday life have to be the vessels
that carry our spiritual ideals. Overwhelming details tend to lock us in a
routinized existence that shields us from basic questions about the human
condition. We need to esteem the everyday routines of life in which the
richness of eternity enters the finiteness of the temporal. We need to keep
them in their proper relationship to our central goal – to seek first the
kingdom of God. In the process, the Holy Spirit begins to cast the fire of His
love into our hearts while the fear of our doubts are cast out.
On a personal note, it’s been about a week since the
unfortunate demise of my beloved grandma. Due to her fading memory and her
inability to recall things, being with her was tough at times but nonetheless,
it taught me a lot of what it meant to love, what it meant to be patient and
most of all, it pushed me out of my comfort zone, challenging me to be a better
version of myself each day. I am definitely going to miss her now that she is
no longer with me but I am sure she is with my beloved Lord and Saviour
watching over me from above. Besides that, it also brought to my mind the
vulnerability and uncertainty of human life and perhaps I may write about it in
a later blogpost/reflection.
To
sum up therefore, a saint is one whose head is not stuck in the clouds but who
has his/her feet firmly on the ground. If this balance is not achieved, then
perhaps the genuineness of one’s sanctity needs to be questioned for as in the
letter of St. James it is written, “Faith without works is dead”
(James 2:17). God love you! Stay blessed!
