ONE
LIFE TO LIVE
Mario
D’Couto
After having lost two people who were very close to me,
my grandma and my dad, it’s been a very trying time for me and perhaps, you may
be able to relate with it too. This situation that we have all be caught up in,
this pandemic, has thrown everything upside down and while I have been
reflecting over it, I think I will share that in a later post but for now, the
focus of this blogpost/reflection is going to be on the phenomenon of death.
Irrespective of our social status, where we come from,
whatever our personalities may be and so on, two things that unite the entire human
family are birth and death. When we are born, we come with nothing and when we
die, we go with nothing. Yet we spend our time pursuing things that in the long
term may not bring us lasting fulfilment that we all long for. Sometimes even
after achieving our goals we may feel the void within. This is not to say that
we should stop striving to achieve our goals or to put down our aspirations but
perhaps two other questions that we need to ask in relation to our goals is ‘Why’
and ‘How’ and if we really want to find the ultimate answer to
these questions, we can only find it when we believe in something beyond
ourselves.
I have heard some people say, “Live each day as if it
were your last” and this can be seen in both ways, positively and
negatively. The negative connotation of this statement would be is to adopt a
laid back attitude knowing that because today is the last day, might as well
not do anything and not take any initiative. Just imagine if a person were to
really implement it – he would no longer brush his teeth, wash his hair, clean
the apartment, show up for work, pay the bills and so on. If this were to
happen, such a person would eventually end up broke, sick or even behind bars.
Another interpretation that could be detrimental is that because it’s one’s
last day, one can enjoy it to the fullest and not worry about tomorrow.
Enjoyment in itself is not a bad thing. You could enjoy being productive,
working on yourself, contributing to society and so on but on the flip side,
enjoyment becomes harmful when one becomes overly self – indulgent. Thus the
questions of ‘Why’ and ‘How’ play a huge role in
our outlook to life and in the choices we make.
The more power we gain over our impulses, the better we
can avoid the trap. The less power we have over our impulses, the answer is but
obvious. Many brands that deal with consumer products play upon this aspect of
human psychology and tap into these impulses. Give customers the option of
getting their hands on the items straight away and some people will be willing
to even pay extra just so they don’t have to wait. The older we get and the
more self – control we build up, the more easily we can delay rewards. This
also reminds me about why some people go broke after retirement because of bad
money – management and bad financial decisions and worse, if one has not
learned to live within one’s means and invest during one’s work – life, it may
be tough in the later years when one’s primary source of income has dried – up.
Developing one’s financial IQ is a vast topic in itself and I would probably
leave it for a later post/reflection but this is only one of the many examples
about the negative consequences about living for the moment and not thinking
about the future.
This has also been confirmed in the famous Marshmallow
experiment. In around the 1960s, Walter Mischel had conducted an experiment
where a group of 4 year olds were each given a marshmallow where they could
either eat it straight away or wait a couple of minutes and receive a second.
Amazingly, very few children could wait. Even more amazingly, Mischel found
that the capacity for delayed gratification is a reliable indicator of not just
in one’s future career success but in many other aspects of life as well.
Patience is indeed a virtue.
In a positive sense, consider the following example of a
man who went through a near death experience but fortunately was lucky enough
to come back to life. Whether it was divine intervention that gave him a second
chance is something that needs to be further explored but the fact of the
matter is that when given the second chance at life, he was a transformed man.
That man was Michel de Montaigne.
In late 1569, Michel de Montaigne was given up for dead
after having flung from a galloping horse. As his friends carried his limp and
bloodied body home, Montaigne watched life slip away from his physical self not
traumatically but almost flimsily, like some dancing spirt on the ‘tip of
his lips’ only to have it return at the last possible second.
This sublime and unusual experience marked the moment
Montaigne changed his life. Within a few years, he would be one of the most
famous writers in Europe. After his accident, Montaigne went on to write
volumes of popular essays, serve two terms as a mayor, travel internationally
as a dignitary and serve as a confidante to the king.
Coming so close to death energized Montaigne and made him
curious. No longer was death something to be afraid of – looking it in the eyes
had been a relief or perhaps even inspiring. Death doesn’t make life pointless
but rather purposeful and fortunately, we don’t have to die to tap into this
energy.
Remembering the serenity prayer puts it in perspective: if
something is in our control, it’s worth every ounce of our energy and efforts
as we see,
God
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage
to change the things I can and
Wisdom
to know the difference
Death is one of those things we have no control over
(unless you plan to commit suicide). How long we will live, what will come of us
or what will take our lives, none if it is under our control. But thinking
about and being aware of our mortality creates real perspective and urgency. It
doesn’t need to be depressing because it is invigorating and since this is
true, we ought to make use of it. So instead of denying or worse, fearing our
mortality, we can embrace it.
Reminding ourselves each day that we will die helps us
treat our time as a gift. Someone on a deadline doesn’t indulge himself or herself with
attempts at the impossible. Such a person doesn’t waste time complaining about how he or she would like things to be. They figure out what they need to do and do it, fitting in
as much as possible before the clock expires.
Death is the most universal of our obstacles. It’s the
one thing we can do the least about. At the very least, we can hope to delay it
and even then we’ll still have to succumb to it eventually. This is not to say
that it has no value to us while we are alive. In the shadow of death,
prioritization is easier, everything falls into proper place and perspective. We can learn to adjust and come to terms with death, that
final and most humbling fact of life and find relief in the understanding that
there is nothing else nearly as hard left.
If our mortality can have some benefit, how can we infer
that we can’t derive value from each and every other kind of obstacle we
encounter, if only we would try otherwise. No doubt, death can be a frightening
thing to a lot of people so much that in some cultures, it is taboo to speak
about it and while some may think of it as something inevitable to such an
extent that it seems as though they become indifferent to it which probably
explains why some are ready for suicide as they see life as pointless or
meaningless, as a Christian, I believe that death is not the end. It is a
passage to the next life.
Our Blessed Lord has conquered death by His death on the
Cross and has given it a new meaning and as long as I am alive and breathing,
it’s my responsibility to live each moment to the best of my ability, which is
something I pray and wish for you too. God love you. Stay blessed!
