Keeping it 'cool' in pastoral ministry

KEEPING IT ‘COOL’ IN PASTORAL MINISTRY

CL. MARIO D’COUTO SDB

            St. Francis De Sales once said, “A spoon full of honey attracts more flies than a barrel full of vinegar” and that is to say love, sincerity and genuinety are the three characteristics that will take a priest ahead in his pastoral ministry. Often a time, it happens that conflicts and misunderstandings are bound to happen in one’s priestly ministry. There is no doubt that being a human, there is every possibility that a priest can lose his ‘cool.’ Allow me to share some reflections with regard to how to keep ‘cool’ in one’s pastoral ministry as given by Dr. George Manalel V.C. and Fr. John C. Tormey.

            According to Dr. George Manalel, the stress and strain of dealing with people and their problems in priestly ministry can cause tensions in the personal life of the priests. Pastoral leaders must have a strong, healthy and well – developed sense of themselves as they will break down physically, spiritually and emotionally. This means that priests must know themselves well and have a clear awareness of their motives and feelings as they go through their ministerial duties. Everyone has feelings, thoughts and attitudes about things, but not everyone has real awareness of them. Knowing ourselves helps us to develop a mental steadiness to deal with the problem of our ministry. Self – knowledge then helps to build an honest self – acceptance and the confidence to accept the challenges of priestly ministry. Wise people know and accept their limitations. Jesus is the best model in this regard. Of course He never had any personal weaknesses or limitations but He certainly felt sad when His teachings did not find a welcome hearing by some people. Yet that did not deteriorate or discourage Him in the least. He had a clear idea about His mission and knew how to accomplish it and was always genuine in His feelings and actions. He was happy when people accepted His messages but He did not become over – excited about it. This is the steadiness of purpose and constancy of attitude that genuine people develop when they know, accept and like themselves. A priest cannot become a pastor without these personal qualities.

            I was also struck by the insights given by Fr. John C. Tormey. According to him, a priest will be misquoted, mistaken and misunderstood. This should not discourage a priest as this should be the realistic expectation of anyone who serves people. A priest must duck the punches and come up smiling. If we ‘lose our cool’ we might lose our credibility.

            Jesus has invested too much in us. We cannot ruin His work with an angry temper or imprudent remarks. St. Paul realized this when He said, “We who are strong in faith should be patient with those whose faith is weak.” The vast majority of priests have a genuine desire to serve the people but they should also be conscious of how they appeal to their people. If we really believe that Jesus is counting on us we’ll never be moody, miserable or sarcastic. We’ll realize that Jesus needs our smile to convey His joy, our voice to express His love, our ears for His understanding, and our touch for His gentleness and our spirit for His peace. We’ll be patient and prudent.  

            The patient priest is steady and in control of his emotions. He has acquired this virtue with hard work and practice by conditioning mind over emotion and relying on the power and will of God. His sense of proportion has helped him to relax, not react and take time to respond. He has learned that impulsiveness and rash reactions always hurt someone so he cautiously reflects before he decides.

            The patient priest is also a genuine man of prayer. His simple spirituality is something his people can count on. They know he’ll pray about their problems and request. He depends on the power of God within Him because He sincerely believes that God will give him direction. So he does his best, takes his time and leaves to God the problem of worrying about the outcome. His people know that he is a man of thoughtful consideration. They approach him honestly because he is a reasonable gentleman – not an impulsive and angry reactionary.

            The confused priest, on the other hand, has not taken the time to pray. He loses his ‘cool’ because he has not settled himself in the quite of his own mind. He has no pattern or tone for his pastoral schedule and lacks the consistency of order that makes patience come easy. An easy technique is not to overplan our daily schedules. We should keep some distance between places so that there is sufficient time and energy to accomplish them. Every day should also have its moments of silence. We need a quiet corner with ourselves to cool off.

            It is also important to come to grips with our limitations of time, energy and talent for although we may have big plans, we must also be realistic. Now is the only reality we can be sure we can be sure of. A priest cannot afford to miss it by worrying about the past on becoming impatient for the future. However, concentrating on the present moment takes practice. The priest should be alert and stop – look – listen. He can only accomplish one thing at a time so he should relax and give his full awareness and responsiveness.

            Prayer is another great means to put order and time in our lives. It also gives great possibilities for sacrifice. The priest must go out of his way for his people. If he cannot give a little and suffer a little, why should his people believe his message for as St. Paul would say “We have endured everything in order not to put any obstacles in the way of the good news about Christ?”         

            Endurance comes from patience and patience comes from prudence. A prudent person is quick to think, quick to listen but slow to speak. He realizes that hasty, rash judgments made by an uninformed mind will only strain emotions and possibly ruin a beautiful life. He does not react immediately. He has conditioned himself with practice to relax and keep his ‘cool’. He places the problem in context and searches for the necessary facts to make proper judgment. The Book of Ecclesiastics describes such a person as “steady in convictions, sincere in speech and always deliberate in giving an answer.”

            When he conveys his ideas, he is always sensitive to the other’s feelings. He does not tear down rather he edifies and builds up. With a touch of humour, imagination and understanding, he can keep the peace not only in his own life but for this common good. Body language, likewise, begs for prudence. A priest can hurt just as deeply with his sarcastic remarks and despairing frowns. His face is a reflection of his heart.

            To conclude, Frank Sheed in one of his articles entitled, “Are we really teaching religion?” wrote the following words, “The law of God cannot be taught with a snarl or a sneer and if the love of God is not taught, religion is not.” This is an indirect way of putting the message which St. Paul wrote to the people of Ephesus, “Do not use harmful words in talking, use only helpful words – the kind that build up and provide what is needed so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.” The grace and character of Holy Orders penetrates and directly consecrates the priest’s being for intimacy with Jesus Christ and for service and mission to His Church. What is more is that he witnesses by his life what it means to be a friend of Jesus for as the saying goes “Actions follows a person’s being.”