Acceptance

ACCEPTANCE

Mario D’Couto

            It’s been a couple of weeks since I celebrated my 30th birthday and it has always been at the back of my mind to share something of what I have been through. Of course, it is definitely not going to be about washing my dirty linen in public, but I guess we are all part of the same boat. Having said that, our lives is never one straight line. It is a line with highs and lows and yet that is what gives meaning to it. Just as a heart rate monitor in a hospital has lines up and down which means that the person is still alive, the ups and downs in our lives means we still have hope and that we can do something; we are still alive!

            Worry is an emotion that we all face. In due moderation, it is fine as it keeps us alive and active and if used in the proper way, it can lead to a lot of ways of finding new and creative solutions. However, most of us tend to jump off the mark and that’s where the problem sets in.

            So, what can worry do to us? According to Dr. O.F. Gohr, one the of the medical executives of Santa Fe Hospital Association, 70% of illnesses are caused by worry. By this, he is not neglecting the natural aspect of illness. Rather it is because of our worry that aggravates our illnesses. Dr. Joseph F. Montagne, author of the book, “NERVOUS STOMACH TROUBLE,” says something on similar lines, “You do not get stomach ulcers from what you eat. You get ulcers from what is eating you” or consider what Dr. W.C. Alvarez, of the Mayo Clinic said, “Ulcers frequently flow up or subside according to the hills and valleys of emotional stress.”

            What can we do to counteract this? Let’s take a look at some of the world’s renowned personalities and what they did to counteract this problem. They are as follows,

1)      J,C. Penney, founder of the nation- wide chain of Penny stores said,

“I wouldn’t worry if I lost every dollar I have because I don’t see what is to be gained by worrying. I do the best job I possibly can and leave the results in the laps of the gods.”

2)      Henry Ford, the man behind the iconic ‘FORD’ industry said,

“When I can’t handle events, I let them handle themselves.”

3)      K.T. Keller, president of Chrysler Corporation explains how he dealt with worry in the following words,

“When I am up against a tough situation, if I can do something about it, I do it. If I can’t, I just forget it. I never worry about the future, because I know no mere being can possibly figure out what is going to happen in the future. There are so many forces that will affect the future! Nobody can tell what prompts these forces – or understand them. So why worry about them?”

4)      The Roman philosopher, Epictetus, spoke on similar lines,

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.”

            Lin,Yutang, in his widely read book, “THE IMPORTANCE OF LIVING,” makes the following statement, “True peace of mind comes from accepting the worst. Psychologically, I think, it means a release of energy.” Plato, who lived many, many years ago, said that the greatest mistake physicians make is that they attempt to cure the body without attempting to cure the mind; yet the mind and body are one and should not be treated separately! It took medical science 2300 years to recognize this truth. We are just now beginning to develop a new kind of medicine called psychosomatic medicine – a medicine that treats both the mind and the body.

            Worry can happen in both ways, it can happen in worrying about the past or worrying about the future. There are ways to deal with it. If worry is going to make us fret or regret about past experiences, it is not useful or helpful but if it teaches us something or helps us to grow, then it is worth recounting it. If on the other hand, there is something that you are anticipating which could be a problem to you, use the following steps,

1.      Get the facts. A problem well stated is a problem half solved.
2.      Analyze the facts. Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that can possibly happen if I can’t solve my problem?” Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst if necessary.
3.      Having done the first 2 steps, then calmly try to improve the worst – which you have already mentally agreed to accept. Ask the following question, “What can I do about it? When am I going to start doing it?”

            Richard Carlson, in his book, “DON’T GET SCROOGED”, writes the following words about acceptance, “Acceptance may sound like inaction but when you try to practice it, you’ll see that it is anything but doing nothing. It sometimes requires more effort than the complaining, confronting or clamming up which you would normally do. But ….. once you experience the freedom it brings – acceptance can become almost second nature.”

            Speaking about acceptance in this case includes looking for the blessing in disguise amidst adversity, relaxing into whatever situation you find yourself in, embracing the age – old adage that life doesn’t give you what you want but just might send you want you need. We all get hard days and mean seasons, from time to time. Challenge, conflict, confusion and uncertainty are beautifully orchestrated vehicles for our growth. But days do get better and seasons always change. By accepting, “What is”, the bitter times will be shorter, and your gorgeous days will get longer. There is a nice poem that puts forth this idea which goes thus,

“For every ailment under the sun,
There is a remedy or there is a mess,
If there is one, try to find it,
If there be none, never mind it.”

            This, of course, requires wisdom and is not something that happens all of a sudden. Perhaps, it would be worth keeping in mind that prayer of Dr. Reinhold Neibuhr,

“God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference,”

            Let’s not forget the words of Dr. Alexis Carrel who said, “Those who do not know how to fight worry die young.” So, do your part and leave the rest in His hands.

           

 


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