Maturity
MATURITY
Mario
D’Couto
As I celebrate my 31st birthday, I can’t
believe how time has gone by. In fact, I can’t believe that I am turning 31.
Sometimes I feel like a 21-year-old, I still feel that there is a lot more to
explore and learn both on a personal level and about life at large. Someone
said that 30 is like the meeting point between youth and maturity. Looking back
at my life, I know I have fallen many times and probably will continue to do
so. And I must say that is a good thing as it keeps me humble. If we know
everything or if we thought of ourselves as ‘unblemished’ lambs, we would only
be digging our own graves. We would have become puffed up with pride. The more
I know, the more I know I don’t know. With that being said, let us explore in
detail about what does it mean to become mature or to mature.
To mature is to ripen. When we say that a particular
fruit is ripe, we are implying that the shape, size and sweetness of the fruit have
reached their full development. In the same way, a person who is mature is one
whose potentialities – physical, psychological, spiritual – have reached their
full development.
In regard to the physical attributes of a human person,
it involves one’s biological and physiological powers. The biological and
physiological powers are taken care of nature although there are quite a few
things that can be discussed about. However, keeping in mind that the topic of
discussion is maturity, our point of reference is the mind. Or rather, the main
thing that we are talking about is the mind.
With that being said, there are 3 areas that need to be
looked upon, namely, intellectually, volitional and emotional. Out of the
three, it is the emotional aspect from which results the mature personality
with its relational attitudes and openness to all reality. Let us take a more detailed
look at these three aspects,
1) Intellectual
maturity/proper functioning of the intellect
What is intellectual
maturity? Intellectual maturity is not about being clever or coming out with
the most fanciful ideas but rather it is about acting out of one’s conviction.
It could very well happen that a person can be clever and yet not act out of
convictions. The main point about intellectual maturity is about acting in
accordance with one’s belief system. Hence in a sense, we may just say that
there is nothing such as morally right or wrong when it comes to intellectual
maturity although that can be debatable. Let us consider 2 examples, which will
help us to understand this better.
Suppose a Christian and a Chinese communist have to
decide about a bloody revolution. The communist, if he is consistent with his
principles, will vote for a bloody revolution while the Christian, if he is
true to his principles, will condemn it. Here we have 2 judgments totally
opposed to each other but both intellectually mature. We are not concerned here
with whether the judgments are objectively right or wrong but simply with the
consistency of judgments made with their respective convictions held. The man
who judges in the light of his convictions is intellectually mature.
Consistency not conformity, is the true criterion of intellectual maturity.
The example of St. Paul in the Acts of the Apostles is a
perfect example of intellectual maturity. Before his conversion, he was
convinced that Christianity was evil and did whatever he could do to put an end
to it. However, after his conversion, he believed with equal enthusiasm to
spread it inspite of hardships and persecutions. Thus, we see before his
conversion, he was a mature man and after his conversion, a mature Christian;
both before and after, a man intellectually mature.
President John F. Kennedy once said, “If 2 men agree on everything,
you can be sure that only one of them is doing all the thinking.” The
mature man has a mind of his own, he has clearly perceived principles which are
the bases of his personal judgements. Intellectual maturity also implies a
sense of the hierarchy of values. God, truth, fidelity, fairness, compassion,
mercy and so on, the intellect has always placed among these as the finest of
human values. Anyone who displaces this hierarchy or distorts these values for
some personal advantage, betrays his/her maturity of intellect.
The ability to distinguish between the essential and the
sign of accidental is a further indication of intellectual maturity. It is the
petty mind that gets worked up over trifles and lose sight of other important
issues on a broader level.
A final trait of the intellectually mature is the
capacity to distinguish fact from fancy, objective truth from subjective
assumption. Many a dispute has arisen out of one person attributing to another
motives which appeared sinister and hostile when in fact they were innocent and
even friendly. So often two persons dislike each other, not really each other
as they are but the unlovable image which each has formed of the other. When
such a thing happens, they are unable to discern objective fact from subjective
prejudice.
2) Volitional
maturity/proper functioning of the will
The will directs the
other powers of the mind, as in, the imagination, the feelings towards the
obtaining of a goal of its own choice. A man who is able to keep an elected
goal steadily in view and make straight for it with enthusiasm, inspite of
difficulties, setbacks, failures, not flitting from attraction to attraction, not
wavering in the face of adverse opinion and pressures – such a man is of
volitional maturity. His is a firm, mature will. The world will stand by to let
any one pass who knows where he is going and is decided to get there. Perseverance,
constancy, dedication, are the marks of an adult will. The immature will is
governed by moods which of their nature fluctuate. A person with such a will,
if he feels like working, he works; if he is not in the mood, he does not work.
His interests are unsteady; they appear, they vanish, again they reappear. He
goes with the wind. His choice of a thing, his response to a demand is not
personal, does not come from within himself but is suggested by others or is
prompted by fear; it does not proceed from personal choice or the attraction of
the inner validity or goodness of a course or an object. It is obvious from
this description of an immature will that if you want to build up volitional
maturity, you must first of all be interested in a thing (sound motivation), then
you must really want it (internal and personal choice) and
finally spare no sacrifice in obtaining it (necessary self – discipline).
Another mark of the mature will is the ability to make independent, personal
decisions without being over dependent upon the favour or approbation of
others. The training of such an adult is a painful process. Decision making is always
hard; for when you choose one thing you naturally have to sacrifice another. Sacrifice
is the price of every choice; it is the price too of maturity of will.
3) Emotional maturity
Hegel once remarked that
the human person is a bundle of emotions because of which to talk about emotions
would be a vast topic. But what are emotions? Or how do we define them? William
James defines it the following way, “An emotion is a state of mind that
manifests itself through sensible changes in the body.” Emotions are
part of human equipment. They are the emotive power to the soul just as steam
is to a locomotive power to the railway engine. Jesus, the God – Man had
emotions. He looked with love on the rich young man; He felt indignant with those
selling in the temple; He wept at the tomb of Lazarus; He felt sadness and fear
in the Garden. Having or showing no emotions does not make one more spiritual;
it only makes him/her less human.
Emotional immaturity is the inability to control one’s emotions
or to express them adequately. The emotional immature person is like a puppet
on the strings of his emotions. He loses his temper at the slightest
provocation; he is paralyzed with fear at the stern face of an authoritative figure.
He is afraid to have emotions. He is ashamed of having sexual feelings for instance;
or he cannot bear to admit that he has feelings of anger and hate. His thinking
about emotions is false. He thinks it is bad to have them or wrong to express
them. An emotionally mature person is one who is aware of his emotions, whose response
to them is proportionate to their stimulus and consistent with his convictions.
Looking at the above, it would certainly seem like a
daunting task, but the point is that it is good to be aware of what it means to
be mature for by doing so, we at least have a goal to achieve. We may not
attain it, but the point is that even in the very fact of making the effort to change
for the better, it would not leave us the same. Bruce Lee says it very well, “A
goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to
aim at.”. In as much as I share this little reflection with you, I am
actually talking to myself and I believe that in this journey of life, we are
all travelling, and we need to guide and support one another so that we do not
fall or go astray. My prayer and wish is that God in His bountiful love and
mercy, may inspire you to always do the right thing. God bless you!!!
