Looking back
LOOKING
BACK
Mario
D’Couto
Thirty four years completed and still counting. Another
new year for me, another new year to discover what the future has in store for
me and to reflect and look back on how life has gone by. Each day is a gift and
while I know it may sound cliché, it is what it is, an opportunity to grow, to
learn something, to make a difference in someone else’s life and so on. Like
every other normal person, if I look back, there have been times where I have
had my share of highs and lows and while the intensity of such experiences can
vary from person to person, I am sure, this is something we can all relate to. Have I
figured out everything? Absolutely not! I think I would consider myself a work
in progress and probably will be till my last breath but I guess that is what
keeps me grounded, that there is a lot more to learn, a lot more to experience
to get out of my comfort zone. Do I have any regrets? Maybe, maybe not, but I
guess it’s how we look at things. At that moment, it would seem like a stinging
shot but on hindsight, I take it that whatever has happened has happened for
the good. I am a firm believer that God does not create junk. I believe that
God has given each person a deck of cards (a set of skills and talents) and how
he or she plays (uses) it is upto each individual and I also strongly believe
that the hand of God guides those who seek out His help. Are the things that I
wished that were not there or which could have changed? Well, if I were to be
honest, there would be plenty but I guess one thing that stands out is a sense
of fear, or to be precise, the fear to step out of the comfort zone, to take a
risk and that’s something I wish to delve in this blogpost/reflection.
Today, it seems the problem of anxiety has reached new
and dangerous heights and thankfully by the grace of God, I have not reached
such extreme levels but yet sometimes thinking about a situation from different
angles, about what could go right or what could go wrong can be so overwhelming
that it just drains the energy from you, thus, leaving you feeling empty and
perhaps to an extent even regretful. Some people call it the ‘analysis –
paralysis’. The world is bombarded with change and whether we like it or not,
we cannot ignore it. The further we run away from it, the more difficult life
becomes. We need to confront it no matter what the circumstances may be. It is
for this reason that those who are able to adapt to the vicissitudes of time
are the most successful and even if they are not, they are not left in the
lurch as Dale Carnegie would advise, “Keep your mind open to change all the
time. Welcome it. Count it. It is only by examining and re-examining your
opinions and ideas that you can progress.”
Fear is the enemy of most of our growth and perfection is
not an easy defense for the fearful to put aside. It keeps us from ever tapping
our own resources fully and freely. Besides, such a defence is crippling as it
shuts people out from our lives and us from other people. These are some of the
dangers of striving to be perfect. Yet, on the other hand, this does not give
us an excuse to be mediocre. It is important to have the goal in mind for that
is what gives us a sense of direction. Yet, what is important is that one
should not be overtly scrupulous about it for being overtly or unreasonably scrupulous
doesn’t help in anyway; there ought to be a balance.
Most people spend too much time worrying about things
that never occur. In fact, most of the things that most people worry about
don’t happen. That’s worth remembering. One useful trick is to try placing
mathematical odds on the things that you worry about the most. That’s what
business writer Harvey Mackay has done for most of His life. “Once you know
the facts and put a probability on them,” Mackay says, “you can see the
situation in its proper perspective”. The author Ryan Holiday calls this defeating
fear with logic.
The great Athenian statesman Pericles on one occasion came upon his
troops and found they had been puzzled by the portents of a storm. It may seem
silly from today’s standpoint but how would you feel if you lived in a time
when people had no idea what thunder was or what caused it.
Pericles could not fully explain the science of what was
happening but he could get close. Grabbing two rocks, he assembled his men and
began to smash the rocks together. “What do you think thunder is,” he
said, “but the clouds doing the same thing?” On another occasion, when a
plague ravaged Athens, Pericles embarked with the navy to take the war to the
enemy. But suddenly, just as his troops were leaving and he had boarded his
ship, an eclipse blocked out the sun. Fear spread rapidly through the men, who
regarded this surprise as a dangerous omen. And it wasn’t with a great speech
that Pericles inspired his men to rally but with a simple bit of logic. He walked
up to the steersman and covered him with his cloak. “How,” he said, “is
what happened any different except that something larger than my cloak has
caused the darkness.”
Life is and can be unpredictable. There is so much we
don’t know and we can certainly be alarmed when we are the whim of our fears
and doubts. Hence looking at it objectively, logically, clearly and
emphatically can help bring about some kind of solution or can at least help us
deal with the situation.
The point is to not be afraid! It’s easy to be scared.
Events can escalate at any moment. There is uncertainty. You could lose your
job, your house, your car, something could happen to your kids and the list
goes on. It is but natural to be scared or perturbed when such things happen. How
could we not? Here’s what’s important: it’s okay to be scared but it’s not okay
to be afraid. Being able to make this distinction is crucial as a scare is a
temporary rush of feeling that can be forgiven while fear is a state of being
and to allow it to rule is a disgrace. One helps you, makes you alert, wakes
you up, informs you of danger while the other drags you down, weakens you or
even paralyzes you. In an uncertain work, in a time of vexing, complicated
problems, fear is a liability as fear holds us back. It’s okay to be scared.
Who wouldn’t be? It’s not okay to let that stop you.
When the markets crashed in October 1929, America faced a
horrendous economic crisis that lasted 10 years. Banks failed. Investors were
wiped out. Unemployment was something like around 20%. During this time,
Franklin Delano Roosevelt succeeded a president who had tried and failed for
three and a half years to make a dent in the problem. Was he scared? Of course,
he was. How could he not have been? Everyone was scared but what he counselled
in that now legendary inaugural address in 1933 was that fear is a choice.
Fear was the real enemy because it only made the situation worse where it would
destroy the remaining banks, it would turn people against one another and it
would present the implementation of co-operative solutions.
Perhaps it would be worth asking as to who does good work
when one is afraid? Who can see clearly when one is afraid? Who can help others
when one is afraid? How can you love when you are afraid? How can you love when
you are afraid? How can you do anything when you are afraid? The receiver can’t
catch the football if he flinches in anticipation of the hit. The artist can’t
deliver the performance if he trembles at the ready pens of his critics. The politician
will rarely make the right decision if he worries about the consequences at the
polls. The family will never get started if all the couple can thin about is
how hard it’s going to be. Worst of all, to quote the words of the French
surgeon, Dr. Alexis Carrol, “Those who do not know how to fight worry die
young.”
Speaking of the harmful effects of worry from a
biological and physical standpoint, Dr. Russel L. Cecil, a world recognized authority
on arthritis has listed 4 of the common conditions that bring about arthritis,
which are,
1.
Marital shipwreck
2.
Financial disaster and grief
3.
Loneliness and worry
4.
Long- cherished resentments
There is obviously more to the cause of arthritis than
meets the eye. However the above four conditions are the most common ones. It’s
also been observed that worry can even cause tooth decay, as pointed out by a
certain Dr. William McGonigle who said in an address before the American Dental
Association that unpleasant emotions such as those caused by worry, fear, nagging
… may upset the body’s calcium balance and cause tooth decay.
It is also said that worry can destroy the thyroid gland.
People who suffer from such a situation are half scared to death; they tremble
and shake. When such a thing happens, the thyroid gland, the gland that
regulates the body is thrown out of balance. It speeds up the heart where the
whole body is roaring away at full blast like a furnace with all of its drafts
wide open. If this is not checked by operation or treatment, the victim may
die.
Dr. Israel Bram, a famous specialist who has been
treating this type of ailment for 38 years, gives us the following remedy, “The
most relaxing recreating forces are a healthy religion, sleep, music and
laughter. Have faith in God, learn to sleep well, love good music, see the
funny side of life and health and happiness will be yours.”
Another great way of dealing with this is what Sir
William Osler calls, living in ‘day-tight’ compartments, which is
to say that one should not stress about the future but rather live each day
until bedtime, as Thomas Carlyle once said, “Our main business is not to see
what lies dimly at a distance but to do what lies clearly at hand.” On a
spiritual note, it is also interesting to note that in the ‘Lord’s Prayer’,
we find, “Give us this day our daily bread.” It does not mention about a
‘yesterday’s stale bread’ or a about a ‘future meal’. This prayer
teaches us to ask for today’s bread only. Today’s bread is the
only kind of bread we can possibly eat.
Tied up with the phenomenon of worry and anxiety is what
I call, “What if …” What do I mean by this? We make decisions all the
time, knowingly and unknowingly. But knowing what decisions to take and when
to take is what makes the difference. Decisions have the power to change
our lives, for better or for worse. Some decisions are good, some brilliant,
some bad and some plain disastrous. Of course, we are conscious of the major
decisions we make in our lives whether it’s choosing a career, your spouse, a
house to buy but the major decisions aren’t the only ones that affect our
future. We make decisions a hundred times a day and nothing affects our lives
more than our ability to make the right decisions. All that we achieve and fail
to accomplish can be traced back to the decision we have made. More important,
all that lies ahead of us whether it’s our hopes, dreams, our goals, all depend
on our ability to make wise decisions. And yet the problem is how does one make
wise decision? Making or taking major decisions or even small ones can be
crippled with thoughts such as, “What if it doesn’t work?” “What if
something goes wrong?”
As seen earlier, we can be our own worst enemy when we
inflate or exaggerate the thing that causes fear which in truth is actually far
less damaging than what it really is. But what if … what if there is just one
thing that could spoil or ruin everything? The entrepreneur and writer Tim
Ferris has spoken of the exercise of ‘fear setting’ of defining and
articulating the nightmares, anxieties and doubts that hold us back. This
practice goes back to the ancient Stoics. Seneca, one of the prominent Stoic
philosophers wrote what is called ‘premeditatio malorum’ which is the
deliberate meditation on evils that we might encounter, where he explains, “Exile,
war, torture, shipwreck, all the terms of the human condition could be on our
minds,” not in the form of fear but in but in that of familiarity. How
likely are they? What might cause them? How have we prepared ourselves to
handle them? It is the unexpected blows of life that are the most painful, the
ones that we are unprepared to face or confront. Hence, by expecting, by
defining, by wrestling with what can happen, we are making it less scary and
less dangerous at the same time.
John D. Rockefeller would say to himself as an exercise
to keep himself from getting complacent, “Suppose the oil fields gave out?”
And so he built his fortune by acting boldly during the repeated financial
panics of the 19th century. Likewise, several times a day, Napoleon
believed a commander should ask themselves, “What if the enemy were to
appear now to my front or on my right or on my left?” We can imagine that
the point of this exercise was not to make his generals anxious but rather it
was to make sure they were prepared.
Yet we are too worried about manifesting bad energy. The
truth however is that for more than 2000 years, military leaders have had some
version of the maxim: the only inexcusable offense for an officer is to be
surprised; to say, “I didn’t think that would happen.”
When fear is defined, it can be defeated. When downside
is articulated, it can be weighed against upside. When enemies are humanized,
they can be better understood. What we thought were incredible costs turn to be
clear calculations – calculations worth making. The risks, it is revealed, were
far outpaced by the rewards. Black swans came into view and can be prepared
for. Attacks that we have anticipated can be repulsed.
Vague fear is sufficient to deter us; the more it is
explored, the less power it has over us which is why we must attack such faulty
premises and root them out. That’s when mountains become molehills. Hence it is
important not to worry about whether things will be hard because they will be.
Instead, it is important to focus on things that will help us. When looked from
a different perspective, our bruises and scars become an armour and our struggles
become an experience as they make us better. They prepare us for the moment we
will face. It is this flavouring that makes victory taste so sweet. If it was
easy, everyone would do it. If everyone did it, how valuable would it be?
In school, we are taught different subjects such as
science, geography, mathematics and other disciplines but all this would be of
no use if we had such knowledge but were not in a position to handle life’s
situations. Unlike in school where we study and then give exams, in life it is
the opposite. The experience is first given and then the lesson is learned, be
it good or bad. The facts of life can be got from books and encyclopedias but
how to live is learned by living it which is why having an open mind is
paramount.
To add to this, knowing how to maneuver in the dark,
knowing how to handle ambiguity is an essential characteristic of being ale to
handle fear. Think for a moment of people you know who have a very analytical
personal style. They have always lived in a very rigid world. All their life,
everything has been okay as long as it has been buttoned down, nailed down and
in its proper place. It’s when things start to move around and get sloppy that
they run into trouble. They can’t stand ambiguity. They want to know how
precisely where everything is and what’s going on.
Such people are the worst decision makers in the world.
In fact, it is almost impossible to get them to make decision at all. You just
can’t feed them enough information to help them make a good decision. In fact,
these people might be more comfortable in fields that require specificity. A
field that consists of highly specialized workers such as lab technicians,
engineers or data processors, that allows for more quantifiable answers and
fewer unknown factors would suit this type of person very well. Yet life is
never black and white which brings me to the point that those who are able to
handle fear don’t have to every ‘t’ crossed and ‘i’ dotted. They can move in
quickly in an environment that contains ambiguity. In fact, we may just say
that our ability to handle fear or even to make good decisions is directly
proportional to our ability to handle ambiguity. People who can tolerate the
stress of not knowing what the future holds are the kind of people who can
successfully navigate their way through a lifetime of opportunities and risks.
Lord Chesterfield once made the following statement, “It
is not possible to discover new oceans unless one is willing to lose sight of
the shore.” Knowing how to handle and deal with fear can cause others to
not understand where we are going. We may be called odd, foolish, unorthodox;
we may be laughed at and yet just when we may be tempted to give in to our
doubts, let’s not forget the words of Kahil Gibran who said, “Doubt is a
pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.”
All innovations were initially laughed at. People laughed
at Columbus when he said the earth was round. They laughed at the Wright
Brothers who vowed a human being could fly. They laughed at the guys who first
launched Blackberry and so many other similar examples can be given in this
context. But who is laughing now? The universe does favour the brave; people
pay for originality.
Seneca said, “It is not because things are difficult
that we do not dare. It is because we do not dare that things are difficult.”
Many of us are frightened of looking silly or being embarrassed by failure and
as a result, we don't take risk and seize the opportunity. We think failure is
bad and yet there can be no success without failure. It’s just part of the
process. It seems the more we fail or the faster we fail, the more quickly we
will learn precisely what needs to be done in order to win. And how? Because if
we fail, at least we are trying; if we fail, at least we are doing something as
Robert F. Kennedy would say, “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever
achieve greatly.” One thing I think we need to be cautious about when it
comes to failure is to not equate it with our entire personality. It is just
one part of our lives that may have not worked in accordance with how we may
have wanted it to work but it need not and should never define us as a person.
The power to change is present within us. It just needs to be tapped in [in this
regard you may want to check another blogpost/reflection of mine called “The
Struggle” https://insightsfromacommonman.blogspot.com/2022/10/the-struggle.html]
Believing that something is possible or that something
can be done is also important because to doubt or negate it before it even
started is like assuming that the water is deep before you have even made the
attempt to swim through it. Without firm, unwavering belief that man can travel
in space, our scientists would not have the courage, interest and enthusiasm to
proceed. Belief that cancer was curable would not be possible if the medication
for such ailment was undermined. Whatever it is whether it is great books,
plays, scientific discoveries, successful businesses and so on, the power
behind it all is the belief in great results which is the driving force. At the
same time, it should be noted that this belief is not just ‘fluff’ or building
castles in the air but a real assessment of what is present before us, what we
can do and acting accordingly.
Believing that something can be done paves the way for
creative solutions. Belief, strong belief, triggers the mind to figuring ways
and means and how to achieve it and believing you can succeed makes others
place confidence in you. Besides, if we cannot believe in ourselves, how can we
expect others to believe in us? When we begin to think that we can be better,
our creative power gets turned on and new ways of doing things and solutions
being to spring up.
No one gets to the top of mount Everest by jumping up the
mountain. We get to the top of the mountain by taking incremental steps. Step
by step we get to the goal. Every step along the way takes us closer to our
target and that’s how life is. To the minister each sermon, to the professor
each lecture, to the scientist each experiment, to the business executive each
conference is an opportunity to take one step forward to the large goal.
Just as a beautiful building is created from pieces of
stone, each of which in itself appears insignificant, likewise, the successful
life is constructed bit by bit. Small successful steps each day gets us to
greatness over time because the days become weeks, the weeks become months and
the months become years. We all will get to the end of our lives one day, why
not reach that place as an extraordinary human being? Yes, problems and
obstacles will be there along the way but here’s something to think about: if
you were driving on a particular road and you came to a ‘road closed’
situation, we wouldn’t camp there nor would we go back home. The road closed simply means you can’t go where you want to go on that particular road. You’d
just simply need to find another road to take you where you want to go.
Whenever military leaders develop a master plan, they also map out an
alternative plan. It is always useful to keep a back-up plan or a plan B. When
we detour, we don’t have to change our goals; we just travel a different route.
Our thoughts are like radio frequencies. Just as a person
tunes in to a particular radio station based on the type of music he or she
would like to listen to, so is it the same with our minds. The more we want to
feel positive, we need to think positively or if I can use another analogy, we
could say that our minds are like a garden where we have the responsibility of
planting the good seed (positive thoughts) into our minds by doing things that
are constructive and productive whether it is keeping the right group of
friends, listening to podcasts, reading good books and so on. Many people blame
their failures due to circumstances or bad luck. Yet what they fail to realize
is that behind everything, there is a cause. While no doubt there are
exceptions to this, in most cases, achieving one’s goal comes with focus,
planning and hardwork. Nothing was ever achieved in an instant, as we had seen earlier;
the harder we work, the luckier we get.
Speaking about listening to podcasts or reading books, it
should be noted that learning is a continuous process and there is always scope
for improvement. Expanding one’s knowledge does not require several hours of
study. All that is required is that we be curious. Our level of curiosity about
how life works will take us a long way to great heights and there are many ways
one can learn. We live in an age where we can safely say that knowledge is at
our fingertips whether it is through videos, books, podcasts and so on. Back in
the day, people had to rely on VHS tapes and cable TV while today, with the
internet and the smartphone, it has been a game changer and Youtube has been a
great platform. It seems as though there is a piece of content for anything
that anyone wants to learn whether it is cooking, arts & crafts,
productivity, coding, music tutorials, and the list goes on. If used the right
way, it can certainly be a powerful tool.
As for books, there are thousands of books which reveal
the lives of interesting and successful people, from sports stars and
celebrities to adventurers, entrepreneurs, great leaders and so on. There is a
wealth of ideas in the volumes of books waiting to be absorbed by anyone with a
little curiosity and a desire to do better. Biographies and autobiographies can
be both inspiring and educative. Reading them can give you an extra boost of
positive energy, especially if you’re into non-fiction literature.
The good thing about reading is that it can be an
indirect form of being mentored. When we read, we expose our minds to new ideas
and different perspectives and I, from my own personal experience, can
certainly vouch for the fact that it is through reading that has shaped and
continues to shape my thought process thus enabling me to handle life’s
situations in the best way possible. To explain this elaborately, I would like
to quote the words of Robin Sharma who writes about the importance of reading
his book, “The Greatness Guide”, “Reading is one of the best
disciplines I know of to stay ‘on your game’ and at your highest. Reading from
a book is really about having a great conversation with the author. And we
become our conversations. Just think tonight – by reading Mahatma Gandhi’s ‘My
Experience with Truth’, over a cup of coffee – you can get behind the great
man’s eyeballs and learn what made him tick. Want to hang out with Madonna?
Grab her book. Same for Jack Welch, Mother Teresa, Bill Gates, Salvador Dali or
the Dalai Lama. The hand that puts down a great book will never be the same as Oliver
Wendell Holmes observed, “A mind once stretched by a new idea can never return
to its original dimension.”
When I was growing up, my father once told me, ‘Cut
back on your rent or cut back on what you spend on food but never worry about
investing money in a good book’ That powerful thought has accompanied me
through life. His philosophy was that all it takes is one idea discovered in a
single book to lift you to whole new level and revolutionize the way you see
the world. And so our house was filled with books. And now I try to devote at
least one hour a day to reading. That habit alone has transformed me. Thank
you, dad.
Perhaps my greatest gift to my children when I die will
be my library. I have books on leadership, relationships, business, philosophy,
wellness, spirituality, great lives and many of my other favoured topics in it.
Many of these I have picked up in bookshops from across the planet when I
travel on business. These books have shaped my thinking. They have formed my
personal philosophy. They have made me the man I am. To me, my books are
priceless.
The old expression is true, ‘Knowing how to read and
not reading is almost the same as not knowing how to read.’ Make time to
read something good each day. Fill your mind with big ideas and dazzling
thoughts. Use books to flood your soul with hope and inspiration. And remember,
if you want to lead, you really need to read. Oh and if you – like me have the
habit of buying more books than you can possibly read, don’t feel guilty –
you’re building your library and that’s a beautiful thing.”
Learning from one’s mistake is wise but learning from the mistakes of others is
wiser because we don’t have all the time and energy in the world to learn
everything; it can help save time and energy, two vital things in our lives which may be even more important than money – that’s what reading can do.
Today we also have the luxury of having books in audio
format and so when travelling or going for a stroll, doing household chores or
just walking your pet, instead of listening to music (which is good), you may
want to consider listening to the audio version of the bestselling business and
personal development books which would be highly beneficial in one’s personal
development or a podcast that can enrich your mind.
And to add to the final piece of the puzzle, every
experience can be a great source for learning as long as we have the curiosity,
the openness and the willingness to learn. We can gain a lot from every day
experience. Every time we take a risk or move out of our comfort zone, you have
a great opportunity to learn more about ourselves and our capacity. Woe to us
if we were to rest on our laurels which is why sometimes success can be a lousy
teacher.
Easy times don’t make us better. They make us slower,
complacent and maybe even sloppy. Staying in the safety zone never made anyone
bigger and we only get better by actually engaging in it which can be seen in
so many different aspects of life whether it is in music sports, finance and so
on. As long as we learn something new each day, stretch our personal frontiers
and improve the way we think, we cannot grow old. Aging only happens to people
who lose their lust for getting better and disconnect from their natural base
of curiosity, speaking of which I am reminded of an experience that Dr. David
Schwartz shares in his book “The Magic of Thinking Big” in which he
points out to the fact that age is a matter of the mind or as they say, “Age
is just a number”. Here’s what he writes,
"A few years ago while I
was conducting a sales training program, there was a trainee named Cecil.
Cecil, who was 40, wanted to shift over to set himself up as a manufacturer’s
representative but he thought he was too old. ‘After all’, he explained, ‘I’d
have to start from the scratch and I’m too old for that. I’m 40.’
I talked with Cecil several times about his ‘old age’
problem. I used the old medicine, ‘You’re only as old as you feel’, but I found
I was getting nowhere (Too often people retort with ‘But I do feel old!’)
Finally, I discovered a method that worked. One day after a
training session, I tried it on Cecil. I asked, ‘Cecil, when does a man’s
productive life begin?’ He thought for a couple of seconds and answered, ‘Oh
when he’s about 20, I guess.’ ‘Okay’, I said, ‘now when does a man’s productive
life end?’ Cecil answered, ‘Well, if he stays in good shape and likes his work,
I guess a man is still pretty useful when he is 70 or so.’
‘Alright’, I said, ‘a lot folks are highly productive after
they reach 70 but let’s agree with what you have said, a man’s productive years
stretches from 20 to 70 years. That’s 50 years in between or half a century.
‘Cecil’, I said, ‘You’re 40. How many years of productive life have you spent?’
‘Twenty’, he answered. ‘And how many have you left?’ ‘Thirty’, he replied. ‘In
other words, Cecil, you haven’t even reached the half – way point, you’ve used
up only 40% of your productive years.’ I looked at Cecil and realized he had
got the point. He was cured of ego excusitis (one who makes excuses for
everything). Cecil saw he still had many opportunity – filled years left. He
switched from thinking, ‘I am already old’ to ‘I’m still young’. Cecil now
realized that how old we are is not important. It’s one's attitude towards age
tat makes it a blessing or a barricade.”
On the flipside, there are those who are quite young and
could feel overwhelmed at being given huge responsibilities and tasks like
perhaps being a supervisor or managing a team the solution to this is the same
as seen earlier as Dr. Schwartz narrates another encounter to explain this
point,
"Almost a year ago, a 23
year old fellow named Jerry came to me with a problem. Jerry was a fine young
man. He had been a paratrooper in the service and then had gone to college.
While going to college. Jerry supported his wife and son by selling for a large,
transfer and storage company. He had done a terrific job, both in college and
for his company.
But today Jerry was worried. ‘Dr. Schwartz’, he said, ‘I’ve
got a problem. My company has offered me the job of sales manager. This would
make me a supervisor over eight salesmen.’ ‘Congratulations, that’s wonderful
news! I said, ‘But you seem worried.’ Well’, he continued, ‘all 8 men I’m to
supervise are from 7 to 21 years older than I. What do you think I should do?
Can I handle it?’
‘Jerry’, I said, ‘the general manager of your company
obviously thinks you you’re old enough or he wouldn’t have offered you the job.
Just remember 3 points and everything will work out quite fine: first, don’t be
age conscious. Back on the farm a boy became a man when he proved he could do
the work of a man. His number of birthdays had nothing to do with it. And this
applies to you. When you prove you are able to handle the job of sales manager,
you’re automatically old enough.
Second, don’t take advantage of your new gold bars. Show
respect for the salesmen. Ask them for suggestions. Make them feel they are
working for a team captain, not a dictator. Do this and the men will work with
you, not against you.
Third, get used to having older people working for you.
Leaders in all fields soon find they are younger than many of the people they
supervise. So get used to having older men work for you. It will help you a lot
in the coming years when even bigger opportunities develop.
Remember, Jerry, your age won’t be a handicap unless you make
it one.”
Do you notice anything from the above two instances
mentioned by Dr. Schwartz? He is using logic to deal with situation. Sometimes,
it takes a bit of isolation to look back at things objectively, to gain a
better perspective so as to be in a better situation to deal with the
challenges that life throws at us. Curing ourselves of age excusitis often
opens doors to opportunity that we thought were locked tight. When we learn to
beat down our fear of age limitations, we add years to our lives as well as
success.
Imagine that you are 95 years old and ready to die.
Before taking your last breath, you’re given a gift, a gift to travel back in
time to talk to meet your younger self, to give some advice on how to live life
a bit better. The 95 years old understands what was really important and what
wasn’t, what mattered and what didn’t. What advice would the wise old you have for
the younger you reading this blogpost/reflection? An interview was conducted
among those people who were on their deathbed about what advice they would give
their younger selves and not one was about money (at least in the sense of not
being overtly obsessed with money because money in itself is not evil or bad by
nature. It is just a medium of exchange. Knowing and understanding the nature
of money and wealth and how to deal with it is perhaps a vast topic that begs for
another blogpost/reflection which I plan to write about in due time). Rather
they were about happiness, relationships, following dreams and finding meaning
and purpose which can be seen in the following 3 ways,
1.
The disease of being happy ‘when …’
Sometimes some people crib about the fact that they will be happy only when
they have their dream hours or if they get that dream job or that experience
car and so on, forgetting that in trying to pursue what is unseen or
unattained, they fail to appreciate what they already have.
2.
Another area is family and friends. We may
work for a wonderful company and we may think that our contribution to that
organization is very important. Yet, on our deathbed, very few of our fellow employees
will be there waving good-bye. Your friends and family will probably be the
only people who care. Appreciate them now and share a large part of your life
with them.
3.
The third one is about following your
dreams. Older people who have tried to achieve their dreams are always happier
with their lives. Figure out your true purpose in life and go for it! This
doesn’t apply just to big dreams; it is also true for the little ones as well
whether that’s learning a musical instrument, going on a vacation, or just
about anything that you love doing or wanted to do but kept putting off for
whatever reasons that may have been. If some people think that our vision of a
well-lived life is a bit goofy or offbeat, who cares? It isn’t their life! It’s
yours! Few of us will achieve all of our dreams and some dreams will always
elude us. The question however is not “Did I make all my dreams come true?” but
rather “Did I try?” Of course, this has to be done in moderation for to make an
obsession out of it would cause not to appreciate what we already have and will
always leave us with a void within that can never be satisfied.
On a spiritual note, I am reminded of a quote from Albert
Einstein which in some sense is rhetorical but which I think helps to serve the
point and here’s what he says, “Why are we here? If the universe is an
accident, we are accidents. But if there is meaning in the universe, there is
meaning in us also. The more I study physics, the more I am drawn towards
metaphysics.” Most of us are short-sighted. We only see the temporary
struggles, aggravations and disappointments. On the other hand, God is
long-sighted. He sees all eternity. When God looks at our lives, it’s like He
is picking up a roll of movie film and stretching it out and seeing everything
at the same time. In other words, He sees every frame all at once. You and I,
because of our limited vantage point, can see only one small frame at a time.
God sees every action in the context of a whole. He knows
what the results of each step will be and He knows how He is going to work
things out so that the big picture comes together as a blessing.
We need have an eternal perspective. We must pray that
God will help us to see things the way He does. When we come to that point, it
will be a lot easier to take temporary setbacks in our stride and to pay
attention to the Lord’s instructions when He tells us to do something we don’t
want to do or don’t feel like doing and not to do something when we want to do
that particular thing. Sometimes, an apparent ‘No’ can actually be a blessing.
You see, whatever is going on in our life, if you’re trusting God and look to
Him as your helper and guide, He is blessing you.
When God created man, He placed him in charge of the
earth. God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him
(Genesis 1:26); male and female He created them (Genesis 1:27) and God blessed
them saying, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth ad subdue it and
have dominion over the fish of the sea and the flying creatures of the air and
the wild beasts and the entire earth and every animal that moves upon the
earth” (Genesis 1:28), from which we can infer that in as much everything
belongs to God, He has appointed us His creatures, as His stewards. In this
way, we become partners and co-creators with God where God invites us to bring
blessings to those around us. He invites our participation in His plan to
transform emptiness and desolation into fullness and joy. It’s like He is trying
to tell us, “You make an effort and I will bless it. You sow the seed and I
will send the rain and sunshine and cause the seed to grow. You take a step
of faith and I will bless that step with My power and might. You move forward
in an act of loving – kindness and I will tend to that act and see that it
bears fruit.” But are we ready to take that step? Am I ready to launch into
the deep?
Time and again scripture often times reminds us
repeatedly, “Be not afraid”. For instance, in Joshua 1:9, it is written,
“Be strong and of good courage. Do not be afraid nor be dismayed” or in
Deuteronomy 20:1-19, it is written, “When you go into battle against your
enemies and see horses and chariots and the number of the enemy’s army greater
than yours, be not afraid” or in Proverbs 3:25, we find written, “Be not
afraid of sudden fear nor of the power of the wicked falling upon you.”
These and so many other scriptural passages highlight the importance of the
need to not be afraid.
The irony is that we who are created in the image and
likeness of God, given that His nature is infinite, we could therefore say that
the potential of the human person is also infinite which is why we would be
doing a disservice not only to ourselves but we would not be harnessing what
God has given each of us to develop when we start to become complacent and just
do the bare minimum which reminds of what Nelson Mandela once said, “After
climbing a great hill, one finds that there are so many more hills to climb. I
have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that
surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come. But I can only rest for
a moment, for with freedom come responsibilities and I dare not linger, for my
long walk has not yet ended.” There is every possibility that in such a
journey we will face grey areas, doubts, obstacles, and there’s no harm or
shame in just admitting that we have not figured out everything (and probably
never will be given the infinite nature of reality which we have already
highlighted). On the contrary, it’s quite refreshing when a person can say, “I
don’t know” which indicates a sense of genuineness and makes up for other
shortcomings. Only people with a deep seated need to impress others feel that
they must say something on every subject precisely because they are always
trying to prove a point which on the flipside is a sign of low esteem. Mature
people with high self – esteem are aware of their strengths and weakness and
have a more balanced approach to reality. They are not deterred by failure
because they know that failure does not define who they are; it is only an
event. Failure happens because we are fallible but that is alright. None of us
is perfect. Everybody goofs up at some point and yet that should not stop us
from moving forward, pursuing our goals and becoming the person who God created
us to be, which is why I must also add that comparing ourselves to others is
harmful. We could look at someone’s life, someone who has accomplished and
achieved a certain status whether it’s a favourite celebrity, the lives of the
saints or whoever that may be you look up to and try to learn from them and
emulate their qualities but we can never be them. Each of us is unique with our own strengths and weaknesses. The only legitimate question that would be worth
asking is “Am I putting the effort to become the best version of myself each
day?” thus enabling us to understand and relate with others better, improve
our relationships, enlarge our capacity for love and become more effective in
pursuing our goals.
The unreflected life is not worth living. We must
understand ourselves before we can understand others and the world we inhabit.
If I strive to understand myself, with all my strengths, weaknesses, desires
and goals, then I have already taken the first step I need to become more
productive and truly happy. Woe to me if it were like the incident of the fig
tree from the Gospels where our Blessed Lord reserved His severest judgment for
the unfruitful tree (Mark 11:12-14)
In as much as I write this blogpost/reflection, it is a
reminder for myself of what I am called to do, to take action for as it is
written in Ecclesiastes 11:4, “Whoever heeds the wind will not sow and whoever
considers the clouds will never reap” which is to say that if I wait for the
prefect condition, I will never get anything done or as Mark Twain would put
it, “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you stand long
enough”. The time to act is now! If you and I know we have made the right
decision, we will have the courage to act. It is only when we are hoping we have
made the right decision that we hesitate to move ahead. Now this is not to say
we just act impulsively but I guess what I am referring to is to learn where to
strike the balance because for every virtue there is a corresponding vice. For
instance, it would be harmful both to not take any action at all or to act
without thinking or it would not be wise to be completely on the one hand or to
go the other extreme of being overtly generous to the extent you fail to take
care of yourself and worst of all in doing so, you make others dependent on you
and so like the surfer riding along the waves of the ocean, we are called to
ride along the waves of life, imploring the grace of God, to enlighten our
minds, that we may reach the shore, our heavenly home safely, knowing how to
deal with ambiguity with a combination of logic and intuition.
We cannot change what has happened nor can we cherry pick
the kind of obstacles and challenges that life throws at us as Robert Louis
Stevenson wrote, “Life itself is far too risky a business as a whole to make
each additional particular of danger worth regard. It is better to just to get
to work. To face what you have got to face sooner rather than later.” Worrying and
getting paranoid about situations only distracts and takes us down the rabbit
hole of doubt and insecurity and through fantasies of extrapolation and
doomsday prediction, taking us away from the actual task at hand.
What’s in front of us in all that matters! How can we
possibly do well if our mind is elsewhere? If we are concerned about how so –
and – so is going to react? If we are already half – preparing ourselves for
failure? If we have already latched on to all the reasons that that particular
thing is a bad idea? For as Marcus Aurelius said, “Don’t let your
reflections on the whole sweep of life crush you. Don’t fill your mind with all
the bad things that might still happen. Stay focused on the present situation
and ask yourself why it’s so unbearable and can’t be survived,” it is by
applying ourselves through difficulties that hard times can be softened, tight
squeezes widened and heavy loads made lighter for those who can apply the right
presence; it is about anticipating what can go wrong that takes the sting of
out of a bad situation.
