Purity is Masculine
PURITY
IS MASCULINE
Mario
D’Couto
As a Catholic, the next model that I can think of as the true and authentic paradigm of manhood after Our Blessed Lord is St. Joseph, His foster father and while purity can seem to be perceived more often than not as a ‘feminine’ quality, as something that women are only expected to practice, it’s no less different for us men and perhaps, it may be expected even more from us too. It’s natural for boys and men to compete, to take risks, to build, to fight and to protect what is precious and so physical strength can be seen as an essential attribute of masculinity. This is not say that any man who possessed it to a lesser degree or not at all is any bit less of a man, although having it would certainly help and so it could very well happen that a man can take pride in his six pack abs, biceps, triceps and so on, by standing and flexing in front of a mirror. But there is another dimension to strength, one that is internal, one that cannot be seen on the outside but which can only be experienced and that is purity. Yes, to be pure is indeed a strength and here’s why I think so.
“Was he (St. Joseph) old or young?
Most of the statues and pictures we see of St. Joseph today represent him as an
old man with a grey beard, one who took Mary under his protection with somewhat
the same detachment as a doctor would pick up a baby girl in a nursery. We
have, of course, no historical evidence whatsoever concerning the age of
Joseph. Some apocryphal accounts picture him as an old man; Fathers of the
Church, after the fourth century, followed this legend rather rigidly ….
But
when one searches for the reasons why Christian art should have pictured Joseph
as aged, we discover that it was better to safeguard the virginity of Mary.
Somehow, the assumption had crept in that senility was a better protector of
virginity than adolescence. Art thus unconsciously made Joseph a spouse chaste
and pure by age rather than by virtue. But this is like assuming that the best
way to show that a man would never steal is to picture him without hands. But
more than that, to make Joseph out as old portrays for us a man who had little
vital energy left, rather than one who, having it, kept it in chains for God’s
sake and for His holy purposes. To make Joseph appear pure only because his
flesh aged is like glorifying a mountain stream that has dried. The Church will
not ordain a man to the priesthood who has not his vital powers. She wants men
who have something to tame rather than those who are tame because they have no
energy to be wild.
Furthermore, it is reasonable to believe
that Our Lord would prefer, for a foster father, someone who had made a
sacrifice rather than someone who was forced to do it. There is the added
historical fact that the Jews frowned on a disproportionate marriage between
what Shakespeare called ‘crabbed age and youth’; the Talmud admits a
disproportionate marriage only for widows and widowers. Finally, it seems
hardly possible that God would have attached a young mother, probably sixteen
or seventeen years of age, to an old man. If He did not disdain to give His
Mother to a young man, John, at the foot of the Cross, then why should He have
given Her an old man at the crib? A woman’s love always determines the way a
man loves: she is the silent educator of his virile powers.
Since Mary is what might be called a
‘virginizer’ of young men as well as women and the greatest inspiration of
Christian purity, should She not logically, have begun by inspiring and
virginizing the first youth whom She had probably ever met – Joseph, the Just?
It was not by diminishing his power to love but by elevating it that She would
have Her first conquest and in Her own spouse, the man who was a man and not a
mere senile watchman!
Joseph was probably a young man, strong,
virile, athletic, handsome, chaste and disciplined. Instead of being a man
incapable of loving, he must have been on fire with love. Just as we would give
very little credit to the Blessed Mother if She had taken Her vow of virginity
after having been an old maid for fifty years, so neither could we give much
credit to Joseph who became Her Spouse because he was advanced in years. Young
girls in those days, like Mary, took vows to love God uniquely and so did young
men, of whom Joseph was one so preeminent as to be called ‘the just’. Instead,
then, of being dried fruit to be served on the table of the king, he was rather
a blossom filled with promise and power. He was not in the evening of life, but
in its morning, bubbling over with energy, strength and controlled passion.
Mary and Joseph brought to their espousals not only their vows of virginity but
also two hearts with greater torrents of love than had ever before coursed
through human breasts …..
How much more beautiful Mary and Joseph
became when we see in their lives what might be called the first Divine
Romance! No human heart is moved by the love of the old for the young? In both
Mary and Joseph, there were youth, beauty and promise. God loves cascading
cataracts and bellowing waterfalls but He loves them better, not when they
overflow and drown His flowers but when they are harnessed and bridled to light
a city and to slake the thirst of a child. In Joseph and Mary, we do not find
one controlled waterfall and one dried – up lake but rather two youths who,
before they know the beauty of the one and the handsome strength of the other,
willed to surrender these things for Jesus. Leaning over the manger crib of the
Infant Jesus, then are not age and youth but youth and youth, the consecration
of beauty in a maid and the surrender of strong comeliness in a man.”
As mentioned previously, this does not in any way imply that the Lord does not love elderly men. God loves a man’s years of hard work, service, selfless dedication and sacrificial love. Calm, just and peaceful societies rest on the foundations established by old men. Yet those men built the foundations and pillars of civilization when they were young, not when they were old. Likewise, the formative years of Jesus Christ were lovingly ruled by a strong young father name Joseph. It was this hardworking, caring and virtuous father who laid the foundations for the human growth and development of Jesus Christ. While there is no doubt that an old man is just as capable of being holy as any young man, it takes a strong young father to teach a boy how to swing an axe, work with wood, carry lumber, walk great distances and earn a living by the sweat of his brow.
St. Joseph sacrificed everything, including the pleasures of conjugal love, to fulfil his mission as ‘Guardian of the Virgin’ and ‘Guardian of the Redeemer’ and so with that being said, we can infer that through his youth and strength, St. Joseph modelled manhood for his Son, Jesus. Every boy should be able to look to his father to understand what it means to be a man. If St. Joseph had been an elderly man, would Jesus have observed in His father any physical strength or true love put into practice though heroic chastity, hard work and bodily gestures of piety like kneeling for example? If St. Joseph were two or three times the age of his wife, what would Jesus have observed in his father: afternoon naps and forgetfulness? There’s certainly nothing wrong with old age as growing old is part of human life. St. Joseph himself would have certainly aged as life went on, as happens to all men. But would God the Father entrust the upbringing and education of His Son, the Lion of Judah and King of Kings to an elderly and fragile man? Probably not.
So what do we make of all that has been said so far in the context of our discussion or to put it in another way, what has the personhood of St. Joseph have to do with masculinity? Well, for starters, young men can learn from the personhood of St. Joseph that they too can be chaste, heroic and holy. No doubt, the Church has countless examples of young men who kept themselves chaste and pure for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven but St. Joseph is the greatest of them all. St. Josemaria Escriva explains this in the following way, “You don’t have to wait to be old or lifeless to practice the virtue of chastity. Purity comes from love and the strength and gaiety of youth are no obstacle for noble love. Joseph had a young heart and a young body when he married Mary, when he learned of the mystery of Her divine motherhood when He lived in Her company, respecting the integrity God wished to give the world as one more sign that He had come to share the life of His creatures. Anyone who cannot understand a love like that knows very little of true love and is a complete stranger to the Christian meaning of chastity.”
St. Joseph’s love for Our Lady was strong and always
controlled by reason and faith. His virile powers, always held in restraint and
service to God’s will, made him the most virtuous husband and father ever to
walk this earth. No woman ever had a greater man than St. Joseph and yes, Our
Lady loved St. Joseph.
What we have seen so far would seem fit for a reflection
on the feast of St. Joseph but there’s a reason why I chose the personhood of
St. Joseph in understanding the virtue of purity from a masculine perspective
and that is because in as much as we are facing the modern epidemic of
pornography and masturbation, something that is not only accessible from the
click of a mouse but is also accessible from the devices we practically use every
day such as our mobiles, smartphones, ipads and tablets, it’s important to
understand the true meaning behind purity.
The word ‘chastity’ or ‘chaste’ has been often used to describe the virtue of purity and yet too often, it has been confused with abstinence but that certainly isn’t the case. Abstinence is the absence of sex while chastity is the proper use of the gift of sexuality, depending on one’s state in life. Hence for the single man, chastity does involve abstinence while for the married man, it involves fidelity, purity of heart, reverence for God’s plan for sexuality and even abstinence at times which is why chastity practiced prior to marriage helps prepare one for the requirements of chastity within marriage.
The goal of purity therefore is not simply the absence of sexual desire or sexual feeling but rather it is the presence of a pure heart. What many men never realize is that sexual desire is not the same as lust. They imagine that when they reach a pinnacle of perfect chastity, their sexual desire will be completely extinguished. But the absence of sexual desire is not an indication that a man is holy, it means he is either unconscious or dead. Our human desires are meant to point us toward God, not away from Him. Perhaps this is why the devil invests so much energy distorting our perspective of the human body.
The goal of purity isn’t to annihilate our desires but to set them ablaze with Divine Love. Purity of heart isn’t about becoming numb to beauty but rather having the ability to see the woman fully for who she is and women long to find this capacity in a man, the security and tranquillity of heart that a woman can feel when a man looks at her with authentic love. It’s opposite is the restless vulnerability that many women know all too well which causes them to guard their hearts and bodies. After all, if a man is not the guardian of a woman’s dignity, she’ll need to assume the role he has abandoned.
There was a time when a man was someone who conquered himself for the sake of a woman and now we become men by conquering women for our own sake, through vices such as pornography, masturbation, indulging in hook-ups and so on. C.S. Lewis explains the problem of masturbation (which can also be interpreted in the light of other sexual vices) in the following words, “For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete (and correct) his own personality in that of another (and finally in children and grandchildren) and turns it back: sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides. And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman. For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no real woman can rival. Among these shadowy brides, he is always adored, always the perfect love: no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on vanity …. After all, almost the main work of life is to come out of ourselves, out of the little, dark prison we are all born in. Masturbation is to be avoided as all things are to be avoided which retard this process. The danger is that of coming to love the prison.” Underneath lust is a desire for love, a longing for beauty, intimacy, companionship and pleasure. All these things are from God and it is natural for a man to desire them. The problem is that pornography, masturbation and other sexual vices takes these good desires and pollutes them with lust. It’s like a man dying of thirst who comes across an algae-infested swamp and because his thirst has reached an unbearable point, he goes ahead and drinks from the swamp even though he knows and feels a desire for good water while having a repugnance for all that distorted its goodness and purity. It’s the same with pornography, masturbation and other sexual vices wherein the problem is not just a man is using a woman but that the man himself is being used! It’s time for men to therefore regain the ability to vigorously reject the degradation, not only of women but of the gift of human sexuality itself. Christianity demands such a response. You will notice that when Our Lord spoke about the battle against sin, He uses violent imagery, saying that a man should be willing to cut off his hand or pluck out his eye rather than sin (Matthew 5:29-30). Obviously Jesus is not condoning mutilation as a remedy for sin. Rather, He is expressing a deep truth, that, sin is serious. It is more damaging to the human person than losing an eye or head. The injuries sustained by the soul are more costly than to the body. Yet we pamper our bodies and become careless with our souls.
When an army sends troops into battle, it first trains them, if not the only natural consequent of it would be is chaos. In the same way, our sexual urge has the power for both life and destruction and every boy who wishes to become a man must learn to discipline his desires by using interior strength. If he does not, he may leave a trail of damaged and discarded women in his wake. This, of course, is easier said than done but there is no dishonour in being wounded in battle. The only dishonour is when a soldier leaves the battlefield. So fight back and persevere as we find in Proverbs 17:3, where it is written, “Just as silver is tested by fire and gold is tested in the furnace, so does the Lord test hearts.”
Now some may argue that the idea of a man initiating love is simply a gender stereotype, stemming from patriarchal norms and cultural conditioning. But what if it’s the other way around? What if God stamped into every man’s body not only his identity but his mission? What if cultural norms emerge from who we are as male and female?
To validate this theory, consider the body of a man. What distinguishes him from the ‘fairer sex’? For one, he possesses a unique strength. On average, men have 36% more muscle mass than women. 90% of women have a grip strength that is weaker than 95% of men. Obviously, none of this implies that men are superior by any means. But if God has created our bodies to be meaningful, this tells us that He desires us to do something good with the strength He has given us. Furthermore, a man’s body is created to initiate the gift of life-giving love. Unfortunately, many men misuse their masculinity to dominate and manipulate women, initiating sterile lust instead. Living a chaste life requires a man to examine the motives and the subtle movements within his heart. By leading a woman closer to heaven or away from it, he demonstrates his real intentions.
When a man becomes who he truly is, he will initiate love, commit to his beloved, create life with her and sustain what he has created. These marks of masculinity are not simply how a man should act. They are who he is. Consider the societal results when a man never lives out his calling or begins the process and quits? What happens when a man initiates love but refuses to commit? The result is a culture of lonely women and emasculated bachelors. What if the man commits and is too fearful to create life but doesn’t sustain what he has created? The result is abortion and single moms who live under the poverty level with their fatherless children. In short, everything is at stake.
Such talk might strike some men as a bit extreme and even apocalyptic. Others might realize the logic of it but feel intimidated by the level of responsibility required of them. While it’s true that not every man is called to marriage, all men are called to make a gift of themselves in a way that gives life others. The ability to make a gift of himself is the unmistakable mark of a man who is truly free and that is why I feel, whether you are married or if you are single either by choice or because of circumstances, we are all called to love and unlike the romantic understanding of love, one that is characterized by butterflies in the stomach or stars spinning around one’s head in a daze, accompanied with warm fuzzy feelings, to truly love someone is to will the good of the other irrespective of what the circumstances may be and so for the married man, he is called to love God, his wife and children in a way that he ought to love and for those who have chosen to follow the Lord more closely, through the priesthood or the religious life or if one has chosen the single way of life, he is called to love those whom he comes in contact with by way of service to those whom he comes across in whatever capacity, to the best of his ability and which is why after Our Blessed Lord, I can’t think of another man who comes close than His foster father, St. Joseph, whom we all can and should strive to emulate.
While it certainly feels good to have a good physique and to flex and admire in front of the mirror or have the ability to do hard, arduous tasks like lifting heavy objects as part of one’s job or because of some other necessity, it takes even greater strength to control one’s impulses, to do the right thing at the time, to maintain order and discipline and given that as men, where we are called to be protectors, providers and presiders, purity can also have a much broader meaning, signifying singularity of purpose and focus, in many other aspects of life as well whether it is your work, your goals and so on.
Venerable Fulton Sheen warns us in his book, “Life of Christ”, “The penalty of those who live too close to the flesh is to never the understand the spiritual” which is so true since the worst trap that a man can fall into is the loss of the sense of sin that prevents him from changing as you cannot wake up a person who is pretending to sleep and so to conclude, whether you are married or single, the extent to which you are able to sacrifice will be the extent to which you will be able to love and that is why I say purity is masculine. God love you! Stay blessed!