THE COURAGE TO BE ……
Mario D’Couto
It’s been a fairly long time since
my last blogpost/reflection and to put it in a nutshell, I have been going
through quite a bit – from my mother’s heart attack, a change of job, dealing
with family issues, it all seemed to come at the same time that there were
moments I felt overwhelmed but if it were not for the grace for the Almighty, I
don’t know what could have happened. In one of my previous blogpost/reflection
called “Looking back” (https://insightsfromacommonman.blogspot.com/2022/12/looking-back.html), I dealt with the topic
of fear and how it can have its impact on our lives if not dealt with properly
and what we can do to overcome it. These last few months have really put me to
the test and it felt as though through those experiences, I was being
challenged to face my fears. Perhaps, as you read through these words, you may
be able to relate with what I am saying and this blogpost/reflection is an ‘extension’
(for the lack of a better word) of that blogpost/reflection. As I write these
words, I feel that this is something that I should have posted at the beginning
of the year, something that could help us provide some perspective in our own
lives, which could help deal with those moments where we have no answer, to go
through the period of uncertainty with confidence, knowing that in the end, it
would all be fine and even if the outcome were not in our favour, to be able to
deal with the situation in a healthy and positive way.
We must remember that history is not
filled with fairy tales but flesh and blood. Real people, people like you and
me, no better and certainly no healthier than us who squared up against fate,
took her punches and threw their best shot. They failed, they made mistakes,
they were knocked down but they survived. They survived long enough to put in
motion the events that carry us forward today. In some cases, they are quite
literally our parents, in other cases only figuratively so. They have passed us
a baton. When we are afraid, we can look up at those who came before us. We can
visit the monuments erected. We can read their documents, their books, their
writings, because all that is in a sense part of our tradition too.
While fear can have a negative
connotation, as something to be avoided, casting its weight of hesitation on
the things we are afraid to do, on the flipside, if we don’t find ourselves
experiencing this hesitation every so often, we should know that we are not
pushing ourselves enough and so while it would be the wiser thing to not take
counsel our fears, it is perhaps what we need to do exactly. We should listen
closely to it and then do the exact opposite.
The fact of the matter is life is
risky. No amount of hiding will protect us from the scary things and the ups
and downs of life. We are already fugitives from the law of averages; we are
already marked for death from birth. When we realize this, we can stop being
overly concerned and preoccupied about every danger and every possible thing
that can go wrong. The question is how do we handle the situation when it
presents itself? How would we handle those situations that challenge us, that
ask more from ourselves, maybe even to the extent of putting ourselves on the
line or sacrificing for a greater good?
No one can tell us that but with courage, we can say to ourselves,
“I
am not sure but I will get through it with my soul intact. I will make the best
of it. I will not be afraid.”
What is it about fear that makes us
stop in our tracks when we face the realm of the unknown? Well, for one, fear
does deprive us of our ability by making us think that we don’t have what it
takes to meet up to the task or that we are not capable of. If you don’t
believe you can do something, it’s not only unlikely that you can do it, it is
guaranteed that you won’t even try which is why we need more people to break
out of this mentality or what we can call
‘the paralysis by analysis’
trap. It’s therefore important to reject the pessimistic view that we are at
the mercy of forces beyond our control. If nobody believed in the great men of
history (all those who thought differently even to the extent of going against
the status quo be it entrepreneurs, inventors, philosophers, scientists and so
on) how would then history be made? As an example, one of the reasons why we
enjoy the comfort of technology today is because someone in the past thought
differently and took the course of action to make that thought process a
reality whether it is in aviation, mobile technology, online business and the
list goes on.
It must be noted though that courage
for the sake of it is useless. Like for example, in order to jump out of an
airplane, you have to override fear but if you’re doing it for fun, is it
really that meaningful? It’s therefore not enough to simply conquer or quench
fear as the author Steven Pressfield explains in his book, “
Gates of Fire”
that the opposite of fear is not fearlessness but rather love which could be
love for one another, love for ideas, love for your country, love for the
vulnerable and the weak, love for the next generation, love for all and so on.
It is this profound, narrow-deep love that allows one to rise above the logic
of self-preservation and achieve the greatness whether that is shielding
someone from a bullet, risking your job to speak out in defense of the common
good or fighting against all hope for a cause you know is right.
You and I may not be kings and
rulers but each of us are in some sense accountable and responsible for those
around us be it our spouses, children, parents and our near and dear ones. What
we are talking about here is that courage is not just about conquering our
fears and overcoming the challenges that come our way in becoming the best
version of ourselves but also helping the people around us become better
version of themselves as well, as the American baseball player, Jackie Robinson
once said,
“A life is meaningless except for its impact on other’s
lives.” This is what heroes do. They make an impact. They make a
difference for others genuinely. They do not seek or go all out looking for
opportunities to do good just to make a name for themselves but they do it
because they genuinely care and so whether they are rewarded for it or not is
not their concern since success is not their motivation. Seneca would explain
this in the following way,
“Happy is the man who can make others better
not merely when he is in their company but even when he is in their thoughts”.
Being competent and developing
competence is a very effective way of dealing with fear and becoming brave.
With training and practice, competence can be developed. Training is not just
something that athletes and soldiers do. It is the key to overcoming fear in
any and all situations. What we do not expect, what we have not practiced, has
an advantage over us. What we have prepared for, what we have anticipated, we
will be able to deal with, as Epictetus once said,
“The goal when we
experience adversity is to be able to say, ‘This is what I’m trained for, for
this is my discipline.’” Seneca would say something along
similar lines in the following words, “If you don’t want to flinch when
it comes, train before it comes.”
Preparation makes us brave;
preparation makes us courageous as is often the case where it is said,
“Forewarned
is forearmed.” It’s about doing the little things each day that pushes
us out of our comfort zone as the American philosopher and psychologist William
James wrote,
“We want to make our nervous system our ally instead of our
enemy.” When we make things automatic, then there is less for us to
think about, less room for us to do the wrong thing. He would go on to write,
“There
is no one in whom nothing is habitual but indecision.” No one is more
miserable than the person who has made cop-outs and cowardice their go-to
decision. Not only does the daily life of such a person suck but rather they
fail themselves and everyone in the big moments.
When we strive to make facing fear
courageously a habit, we can agree to try what we have never tried before. This
is not to say defeat cannot happen. Yet surrender is a choice. There is a Latin
phrase that goes thus, “Si succiderit, de genu pugnat” which
translates as, “If his legs fail, still he fights on his knees” and
this is to say that even if one may fall, still he or she rises, even if it is
not literally possible. Thus, while it is certainly possible to be destroyed by
life, by the enemy, by a bad luck or whatever negative phenomenon that maybe,
no one can defeat us. That’s our call! That’s in our power and it only happens
when we give up. The only way to lose is to abandon the courage that brought us
to the top in the first place. Defeat is a choice; the brave never choose it.
In this regard, it is worth
mentioning the impact of how we can find strength in the examples of the past
to cope with and the struggles and challenges of the present. We can let great
deeds and inspiring words harden our resolve and commitment. This was a tactic
that Steve Jobs used with his company, Apple, when the workers drifted from its
innovative and rebellious roots as he once said,
“One way to remember who
you are is to remember who your heroes are.” When faced with your
challenges, you can look to the example of your heroes who made it past through
similar challenges or you can also fall back on your past achievement and
moments when you were victorious, reminding yourself that if you have made it through
those moments in the past, you can do it once again.
We must turn to our ancestors and
predecessors in our darkest moments, those who have led brave lives before us. This
is the ready – made courage we can draw on, whenever we find ourselves
wavering. Imagine all the people of the past, of blood and bravery, standing
here, watching us, protecting us. We need to remind ourselves what they would
do right here and right now. We can’t let them down. So be braver right now,
here and whenever the occasion presents itself, as Seneca’s father once wrote,
hoping to inspire his own children and their children, “You had a brave
man for a grandfather. See to it that you are braver.”
So have I done with all my fears?
Have I completely conquered all the challenges and obstacles once and for all,
to the extent that I don’t feel the butterflies in my stomach anymore when the
occasion comes up? Absolutely not! But I can definitely say that had I not
pushed myself, things could have been different. If I did not muster the
courage to go out of my comfort zone and put myself out for that job interview,
I would not have gotten that job. If I did not act on time when my mom had the
heart attack, things could have gone downhill (thanks be to God though, her
operation went successful and she is on the path to recovery). If I was not
ready to face the unknown and deal with other personal issues that had to be
dealt with, they would have been the way they are and could have led to other
severities. This reflection/blogpost is my learning and experience of the past
few months and if you have reached this far, still reading, I hope these words
would help you in your journey, in dealing with your own problems and
challenges, with courage and confidence. I know this may sound easier said than
done but courage is not something we declare, like bankruptcy. Rather, it is
something we earn, that becomes part of us, through a daily conscious effort,
day-in and day-out, a point which I had alluded to earlier. It’s about putting
ourselves in the
‘wilderness’, knowing that despite the harsh, rugged
terrain, we will come out victorious. You can’t win a battle or make a change
on something you have quit on.
Winston Churchill once said, “Every
prophet has to come from civilization but every prophet has to go into the
wilderness. He must have a strong impression of a complex society … and he must
serve periods of isolation and meditation. This is the process by which psychic
dynamite is made.” When we have gone through the ‘wilderness’,
we can dare to hope. Hope powers us and by spending this hope, we perform a
heroic act. Leaders are dealers in hope. Nobody wants to live in a world
without a tomorrow, without a reason to continue, without some dot on the
horizon they are aiming at and if we want that, we are going to have to make it
for them and for ourselves, heroically.
All in all, whatever we do, we
cannot surrender to bitterness. We must reject the heresy of despair. We can’t
give up on ourselves or on other people. We have to tell ourselves a story,
about history, about our lives and all that which emphasize agency, progress,
the chance of redemption which are all key for a better tomorrow. God love you!
Stay blessed!
If in case you like this blogpost/reflection, you may want to checkout my other blogposts/reflections on similar topics,
