Am I my brother's keeper?

AM I MY BROTHER’S KEEPER?

Mario D’Couto

            If you have read my previous blogpost/article/reflection (Human pride and God’s response to it; Religion, religiosity and religious experience; Rise up; and Recovering religious attitudes), you would have probably realized that the theme of the overall message is for those who are already on their spiritual journey and who are already striving along the path to become that person God Almighty has destined them to be. However, the purpose of this blogpost/article/reflection is slightly different. Read on to find out.

            While there are many of us who believe in God, go to Church, adhere to the practices of piety and strive to live a good life to the best of our ability, there are many for whom, right or wrong does not matter. In a word, it’s called ‘relativism’. This is even more dangerous and a greater cause for concern because when a person is not aware that he /she is sick when actually he/she is, it would seem that such a person does not need a doctor. Likewise, if a person does not realize whether what he/she is doing right or wrong and just acts according to what one ‘feels’ is right, adhering to no morality, it would be madness.

            Sometimes, for the sake of peaceful co – existence, we keep our mouths shut but the truth is unless we speak up or address the issue, only then change is possible, if not we probably may as we all continue living in the ‘dictatorship of relativism’.

            The phrase ‘dictatorship of relativism’ was a phrase use by Pope Benedict XVI to address the problem of relativism. Let’s put this issue in perspective and try to understand why it should be a cause of concern.

            What is relativism? Simply put, relativism is living according to what one feels is right. In relativism, there is no objective morality; everything is subjective. Now to understand the magnitude of the problem, imagine if you were driving on a road where there were no traffic rules. People are allowed to go at whatever speed they want, they could go in whichever direction they want, they are free to follow the signal lights or not and so on. Can you imagine for a moment what such a thing would be like? Chaos! The hard truth of reality is this, if ever our lives are going to make any sense, there’s got to be a way, one way that would bring us lasting fulfillment. Life cannot be lived arbitrarily.

            Some may want to argue about what’s the harm if they are to live life on their own terms as long as they are not hurting anyone? C.S. Lewis in his book, “Mere Christianity”, gives us a beautiful explanation as to why morality is not just about being good on the surface.  He compares the whole of humankind to a fleet of ships sailing in formation. The voyage will be successful only if, first, the ships do not bump into each other and second, that each individual ship is running properly with its engines in good order. In this analogy, he describes two key aspects of morality. Like the fleet of ships, we should avoid colliding into each other. This is the first aspect of morality, which focuses on social relations and safeguards fairness and speaks of harmony between individuals, communities and nations. We should avoid doing things that hurt other people. Most people today agree, at least to some degree, with this basic level of morality.

            The second aspect of morality is what Lewis calls, ‘the morality inside each individual’. This is like the sea worthiness of each individual ship. Just as each ship in the fleet must have its engines in good working condition to ensure that it does not crush into other ships, so is it the same that each person must have his soul properly running with virtuous behaviour to ensure that he does not harm others.

            People today are generally at ease with the first part of morality, the element of fair play in social relationships. But many are not all comfortable with the second part of morality, which focuses on one’s individual’s life choices and moral character. Many think, ‘What I do in my private life is my own business. If what I’m doing doesn’t hurt someone else, how can it possibly be wrong?’ For example, who cares if a person spends 10 hours playing video games? What he does with his free time doesn’t matter. If he wants to play till 3 a.m. each day that’s his choice. Similarly, if a man wants to sleep with his girlfriend, what’s the big deal? If she’s a consenting adult, what can be the problem with that? If a millionaire doesn’t give from his abundance to help those in need, or if an elderly person wants to end his life, these are personal choices. And whatever they choose to do in their personal lives is right for them. Each person is free to do whatever he wants as long as he’s not hurting anyone.

            To respond to this, let’s go back to Lewis’ fleet analogy. It’s not enough for ships to not just collide nor is it enough for society to say, ‘Don’t hurt other people’. If an individual ship’s rudder isn’t working, then it is not going to be able to sail properly nor would it be in a position to avoid crashing into other ships. The same is true of people as Lewis explains, “What is the good of telling the ships how to steer so as to avoid collisions if, in fact, they are such crazy old tubes that they cannot be steered at all? What is the good of drawing up on paper, rules for social behaviour, if we know that, in fact, our greed, cowardice, ill temper and self – conceit are going to prevent us from keeping them?”

            The modern tendency to talk about social morality (Don’t hurt other people) while neglecting what Lewis calls, ‘the morality inside each individual’ is like commanding teenagers to obey the traffic rules without training them in the practical skills of actually driving a car. Unless individuals are trained in generosity in their so – called private lives, they are going to do selfish things that will hurt other people. Unless individuals are formed in courage and taught to endure suffering for the sake of what is good, they will do cowardly things that hurt other people. Unless individuals are trained in chastity, sobriety and other forms of self – control, they will do things that use and hurt other people. Social harmony is built on the inner harmony of individuals. A great society is built not just on good laws but fundamentally on men and women of great moral character as Lewis would write, “You cannot make men good by law: and without good men you cannot have a good society.”

            I am not sure if you’ve come across this phrase called ‘the culture of death’. This is something that has usually been associated with suicide but have we considered another aspect of death, namely, the spiritual death? Is our culture spiritually dead or is it dying? To put this in perspective, allow me to cite the experiment of boiling a frog in water. When you put a frog in boiling water, it would immediately jump out for the obvious reason that it is hot. However, if you put a frog in normal water and then boil it, gradually increasing the temperature, it does not realize it. By the time, it has realized the heat, it’s already dead. Don’t we see something similar in today’s modern culture? Humanism and secularism claim to have the answers to life’s ultimate question but not so. They fail to acknowledge the source of all the answers – God.

            In Proverbs 14: 12, it is written, “There is a way which seems right to man but its end is the way to death.” The biggest sin today is the loss of the sense of sin and wrongdoing. Psychologists point out that humans strive for internal consistency in their beliefs and their actions. We become psychologically uncomfortable when there’s dissonance between what we believe and what we do. We’re not at peace with ourselves. So when we do something that doesn’t match up with our beliefs and values, we have two options: either we change our behaviour to align with our beliefs or we change our beliefs to line up with our behaviour. Since it’s easier to change our beliefs than change our behaviour, many people are prone to find some way to rationalize their actions – to convince themselves that what they are doing is really okay.

            If for example, I want to eat healthier and believe I should avoid consuming fried foods, what happens when I can’t resist those crispy onion rings presented to me at a restaurant? I’ll experience some inner turmoil. Part of me is uncomfortable with eating the onion rings because of the healthy eating commitment I just made. So I need to justify it somehow: I tell myself it’s not that bad. Or I’m only eating them this one time. Or that if I eat a salad afterward, that will somehow make up for it. Onions are vegetables after all, so onion rings can’t be that bad. Since it’s easier to change our thoughts than change our behaviour, we typically find some way to rationalize our actions. The same is true in moral matters. Deep down, we know some actions are wrong. But when we do them anyway, we’re not at peace. We have a guilty conscience. Now we have a critical choice to make: Will we admit we did something wrong and try to be better next time? Will we strive to change our behaviour to conform to what we know to be good? Or will we willfully persist in doing what we know to be wrong?

            If we choose the latter route, we’ll likely start to change our beliefs in order to silence the voice of our conscience and convince ourselves that we’re still good people. We do this in various dysfunctional ways. For example, we blame other people for our behaviour, we make excuses for ourselves, we rationalize what we’re doing. We also distract ourselves, keeping ourselves constantly busy and entertained, so we don’t have to stop and think about our lives: where we’ve been, where we’re going or who we are becoming. We keep up the blaming, excuses, rationalizing and distractions …..anything to keep us from thinking about what we’re really doing.

            If I’m not willing to change my behaviour to conform to God’s moral law, relativism is an attractive option. Whatever sin a person may be falling into, it is easier to be a relativist and say each individual can make up his/her own morality than it is to change the way one lives and give up those immoral ways. This brings to mind what Pope Benedict XVI once taught about ‘the dictatorship of relativism’. He said, “Today, we are building a dictatorship of relativism that does not recognize anything as definitive and whose ultimate goal consists solely of one’s own ego and desires.”

            We could therefore infer that deep down within us, God’s law is inscribed right inside each of us, in our conscience. The problem with most of us is that we fail to understand the reason behind the rules and norms of why certain laws exist. Imagine a father placing his toddler son, surrounded by sweets and toys. For the little ‘brat’, this is heaven! But the minute he goes to eat the sweet, his father admonishes him.

            `What’s wrong with that?’ you may ask. Well, apparently, at face value, there does not seem anything wrong as any child would feel inclined to reach out for a chocolate, if given the opportunity. But what happens after that is important. Let’s say the child develops a ‘taste’ for the chocolate and starts demanding for more or finds ways and means to get chocolate through various other ways, he would actually be doing more harm to himself. Not only would it do harm to him physically (leading to diabetes or tooth decay due to excessive chocolate eating) but also morally, he develops a sense of resentment towards his father when he does not get what he wants. In a sense, this resentment is rooted in pride, which is the mother of all vices. ‘Who are you to impose your morality on me?’ is a common objection seen in children who at times back answer their parents or even among friends or individuals of the same social class. Aren’t we sometimes like the child reaching out for the chocolate when we indulge in our selfish whims and fancies which if not controlled could lead to addictions causing us to wither both physically and spiritually? Think about the man addicted to pornography or the man who is a spendthrift or the woman who dresses immodestly and so on. They may bring us a ‘high’, they may bring us attention, they may give us pleasure, but it’s only a moment; it does not last. Instead, it only destroys in the long run.

            We may think that what we do does not affect or impact others but the truth is it does. Most of all, it impacts us. Each of us is the hero or the villain of our own story. For a human being to lose the narrative thread of his life is dangerous. Think of what happens when we encounter a boring story. If we watch a movie that is going nowhere, we turn it off. When we read a book without a plot, we set it down. And when people sense that their lives lack purpose and meaning, they turn them off in various ways. Some people fall into depression. Others become workaholics, constantly busying themselves because it is easier to keep up a flurry of activity than to face the emptiness in their hearts. Still others fill their souls with constant distracting noise and images from movies, the internet, social media and pointless videos because they fear being alone with their own thoughts. This attempt to escape meaninglessness also manifests itself in addictions to alcohol, drugs, pornography and sex.

            Some people even turn their lives off quite literally through suicide – an increasing problem in the world, which often is rooted in failing to see one’s life in a narrative framework, as William Kilpatrick wrote in his book, “Why Johnny can’t tell right from wrong?”, “The problem is not so much that they have lost their self – esteem (although that may be part of it) but, more important that they have lost the narrative thread of their lives. Life itself has become pointless, without plot or direction. We are willing to endure suffering when it has meaning but meaning is exactly what is absent in the case of a potential suicide. When suffering can be set within a narrative scheme, we manage to keep going; but life itself is pointless, why put up with its 1000 mockeries and cruelties?”

            Relativism is more than just a bad idea. It takes away our story and it has the power to ruin people’s lives. So, how then do we define the good life? Or what makes the good life? If I were to ask the question, ‘What makes a good watch?’ The answer in very plain terms would be is that a good watch is that which performs the function for which it was designed. Or if I ask the question, ‘What makes a good pen?’ we can say that a good pen is an instrument that writes well. Or a good harpist is one who plays the harp well. These and so many other examples can be given. Thus, in general, we can infer that something is described as good when it fulfils the ‘telos’ for which it is made (‘telos’ is the Greek work for goal).

             With that being said, in the context of the human person, what makes the human person good? The human person is good when he fulfils his ‘telos’, and what would that be? Relationships! Yes, relationships. Morality is that one aspect which is unique only to the human being which makes sense when spoken in the context of relationships. This does not necessarily have to do in the context of a spousal or family relationship, rather it extends to many other aspects of one’s life, for instance, it could be one’s relationship with one’s work, environment, friends, a stranger and others. How does one treat or deal with such instances in one’s life would be an indication of where he or she stands in his/her moral state.

            A good person therefore is someone who lives his relationships with excellence. He possesses the virtues needed to live his relationships well. He is not ‘good’ because he is nice, funny or whatever attributes you may want to think of but for the fact that he is a good human being.

            Now all this sounds easier said than done but that’s the truth, if ever our lives are to be more meaningful, more joyful, more fulfilling, there is a way of living it. Life becomes more purposeful when one makes the shift from a ‘freedom from’ to a ‘freedom for’. Freedom, in the truest sense of the word, is not doing anything we want but what one ought to do. This is not to say that the other things of life don’t matter. However, our ultimate happiness is to be found in Him, in the law that He laid out for us. So quite contrary to the thought that God’s law is more of a restriction, it’s actually a source or a starting point to liberation and ultimate fulfilment. Anything in life that is left to itself deteriorates. If one wants to make it grow and develop, the work has to be done. You take any aspect of life be it fitness, gardening, entrepreneurship and so on, no one can just sit back and expect miracles to happen. It’s the same with human morality. You either progress or regress; there is no middle ground. No one becomes virtuous by simply sitting back and saying, ‘I’m going to be virtuous’ (For more information, check out my other blogpost/article/reflection, ‘A Christian understanding of virtue ethics’,
https://insightsfromacommonman.blogspot.com/2013/09/a-christian-understanding-of-virtue.html ) We’ve got to cultivate those habits that enables us to live virtuously and that strength comes from God Himself. On our own, it would not be possible.

            The beauty of Christianity unlike other religions is this, rather than the human person seeking God, it is God who seeks out the human person. As a Christian (more importantly as a Catholic), I believe that God is my Heavenly Father, the God who loves the whole of humankind so much that He personally seeks us out, reveals Himself to us and even became one of us in Jesus, forging the road between Himself and us, as Dr. Peter Kreeft wrote in his book, ‘Fundamentals of the Faith’. “There is no human way up the mountain, only a divine way down.” (For more information, check out my blogpost/article/reflection, ‘Jesus: Fact or Fiction’,
https://insightsfromacommonman.blogspot.com/2018/03/jesus-fact-or-fiction.html)

            The plight is, as the Catechism of the Catholic Church would put it, “Man, tempted by the devil, let his trust in his Creator die in his heart” which consequently led to an ultimate ‘lack of trust in His goodness’ due to which we always want to do things our way. In humbling ourselves and obeying God’s law, in acknowledging that there is, indeed, an objective morality, our lives would become so much more meaningful, if not we may as well, consider ourselves as animals living in a jungle, governed by instinct.