Fear as a means to succcess

FEAR AS A MEANS TO SUCCESS

Cl. Mario D’Couto SDB

            Psychiatrist Judd Marmor once said, “One is imprisoned by how many people operate upon the assumption that to worry about anything is ipso facto ‘neurotic’ and that the ‘normal’ person should never worry. Most people apparently seem to be unaware of the rather obvious fact that to be unconcerned in the face of a disturbing or threatening realty situation may sometimes be a symptom of a serious mental disorder, rather than a sign of mental health.”
           
Some fears and worries have a rational basis, while others are based on exaggeration and misinterpretation. But only a moron could go through life completely unconcerned and not worried every second of every day.

Speaking about fear, Dr. Benjamin Fineübuer says something similar to what Judd Marmor has stated, “Worry can save a useful purpose. If you asked 100 men if they would like to be without pain, some of them might thoughtfully say ‘yes.’ But if their ability to feel pain were removed, it would be the most horrible thing that could happen. Without pain, we would lose one of the most powerful defensive mechanisms given to the human organism. If you felt no pain, you might put your hand up against a red hot stone and leave it there, until you were minus a hand.”
If you have a concrete fear, you can often conquer it by doing the thing you fear. In fact, Emerson wrote, “Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.” In order to get rid of fear, we usually have to expose ourselves over and over again to the situation we fear. Suppose, for instance, you’ll be afraid to get up in public and make a speech. If you get up in public only once or twice, you may never quite conquer your fear. But if you get up in public at every available opportunity, each time you will lose a little of your fear. Psychiatrists refer to this process as “desensitilisation.”
How to conquer you fear of big shots? If you are afraid of meeting important people, you can lessen that fear by accepting every opportunity you can to meet them. Remember every big shot is human and has the same desires and problems you have.
Many of our fears are based on past mistakes. Instead of profiting from our failures and learning from them, we let the memory of them paralyze us. When we discover that we have nothing to lose, then we realize within ourselves the power of positive action. Lester L. Coleman, M. D., wrote,
“The greatest single handicap to the solution of most problems is anxiety that the solution will not be right. Very often a decision is wrong. But this decision can be altered when recognized and admitted and discussed. When an honest decision has been arrived at, there is no shame in the fact that it might be wrong. Live with the problem long enough to change it. Seemingly insurmountable problems have a remarkable way of reducing themselves when viewed in clear light of proper perspective. There is no same perspective in the presence of fear. Have faith in your decision and your right to change it.”

Prescott Lecky found that a poor speller could be turned into an excellent speller by changing his ideas about his abilities. When he changed his opinion of himself, a high school student who had previously misspelled 55 words out of 100 and had failed most of his school subjects became one of the best spellers in his school and got an average of 90.
 After three talks with a counselor who changed her opinion of herself, a girl who had failed four times in Latin received 92 on her next exam. She changed her concept of herself from “I’ll never learn Latin” to “Of course, I can master Latin; I’ll keep trying.”
 Using the Lecky method, a psychiatrist helped a patient get rid of compulsive behavior patient get rid of a compulsive fear of the influence of certain numbers in life. His patient was intelligent and under hypnosis, revealed the fact that he had a healthy respect for his own intelligence.
 After that, it was comparatively simple for the psychiatrist to convince him that as an intelligent man, it was inconsistent for him to be superstitious. Through constant positive affirmation, the psychiatrist persuaded him to give up his pet superstitious fear.
 Self – concepts might be compared to the houses built by the 3 little pigs. If a man, in an unrealistic factory, builds up an image of himself that has no basis in reality, he is then building his mental house out of straw. A daydream about yourself that you don’t follow up to make it come true can be blown down as easily as the house of straw.
 If like the second little pig, you can build your mental house out of sticks, it can also be blown down. If you build your self – concept on casual remarks made by others, you’re building it out of sticks.
 If you build your mental house out of bricks, who can knock it down? The wolves can come and howl at your door, but they will never knock down one single brick. These bricks that build your self – concept can be scientific or psychological tests showing exactly what you can do, personal experiences, or the encouragement of a loved one.
 The bricks of successful thinking about one’s self consists of those experiences where no matter how small or big, one can build the house of one’s self – esteem on what one has done in the past. No matter how many failures you have had, somewhere in the midst of them was something you did well, which others praised.
 Build your life on what you have already done successfully, or what tests show you can do well. We all have the potentialities that are never realized. The first step in changing our lives or ourselves is to believe that we can change. Here are some of the ways in which each of us can change himself for the better,
(a)   Accept yourself
In a study made up of a group of college students, it was found that those who were healthiest mentally nearly always accepted themselves, with all their faults and virtues, just as naturally as they accepted the phenomena of nature: the brooks, the valleys, the mountains, the trees and so on. Don’t continually tear yourself apart because you don’t think you’re worthy of God’s love. Just as a good parent loves you, whether or not you deserve it, so is God’s love.  His love pours down on all of us worthy or unworthy. Naturally, we should try to please Him, as we would any loving parent.
 (b)   Believe in yourself
 God has given every person some special talent, or mark of individuality. If you don’t know what is yours that does not mean you don’t possess one. Keep seeking till you find out what your best talents are.
 (c)   Think of how to make others happy
 If you spend too much time wondering whether or not you’re happy, you will not be.
 (d)  Keep your hands and your mind occupied most of the time.
 (e)  Be good to yourself
 Be sure to allow yourself for some recreational activities in your life. Always have an activity that will be fun for you in the future.
 (f)   Try to make others feel comfortable and at ease
When you meet someone for the first time, concentrate on trying to make him feel comfortable. That will keep you from feeling self – conscious. It is almost impossible for two thoughts to occupy the mind at the same time. If you concentrate on thinking about the other person, you won’t give those around you the impression that you are self – centered.
 (g)  Decide which of your worries can be cured
 It is important to decide which of your worries can be cured and then do something about them. If you have some worries you can’t do anything about, learn to accept the situation involved without bitterness. 
 (h)  Love yourself and then learn to love as many persons as you can besides yourself
 If there are some you can’t help disliking, try to be fait to them. Look for the good traits.
 (i)    Believe in some power higher and greater than yourself
 If you don’t want to call that power God, then call it the spirit of goodness. Believe, also, in a universe that is working toward some final good purpose. You will not always know what the final pattern will be but try to make the stitches yourself. Sew a fine and beautiful possible, so you can be proud and happy about them.
 j)    Forget the past
 Yesterday was a dream, tomorrow may never come. Use the fragment of time, as though it were your last day on earth.

   

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