Save me from myself

SAVE ME FROM MYSELF

Mario D’Couto

            Every person in this world is a world in himself or herself, with one’s temperament, hopes, dreams, and the list can go on. There can never be another you and this article which is based on the book “Save Me From Myself!” which is kind of an autobiography of Brian ‘HEAD’ Welch (the lead guitarist of Korn) is basically the ‘golden nugget’ or the ‘cream’ of the content of the book which I have tried to understand and express. Hence, without further ado, although tastes can be subjective, allow me to share the following insights and reflections that I have found useful from this book,

A)    When Welch was going through his conversion experience, he felt guilty about not going to Church and so he goes to one of his friends who was a Christian asking him for advice. This was the advice given to him,

“Going to Church does not make you a Christian any more than sitting in a garage makes you a car. A relationship with Jesus is personal. He is your Confidant and Friend, you can turn to Him anytime. He is always ACCEPTING no matter what you have done; He can release you from any guilt, pain or shame you have. People in far worse circumstances have turned their lives around and come to know the unconditional love of God! You don’t have to make a public spectacle of yourself to accept Christ in to your life – you simply need to kneel down right where you are and say, ‘GOD, I’M SORRY FOR MY SINS, PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND COME LIVE WITHIN ME. HELP ME WALK IN YOUR LIGHT, READ YOUR WORD DAILY AND RELY ON YOU FOR ALL MY DECISIONS. LET ME BE AN EXAMPLE OF YOU AND LET OTHERS SEE THE CHANGE IN ME BECAUSE I HAVE MADE THE DECISION TODAY TO GIVE MY LIFE TO YOU.’ That’s it. Then pray as much as you can, read your Bible every day and make good decisions. Your family will see a change in you, your daughter will see you in a different light and you will have a peace that surpasses your understanding.”
B)    When Welch broke away from the multi-platinum selling rock band, Korn, it was like leaving your gang where you lose your respect or at least it seemed so. For those who have read the book “With My Eyes Wide Open” (another book by Welch) you would know what this means. In short, when he was out of Korn, it was as though everyone had forgotten who is Brian ‘HEAD’ Welch. Anyways to cut the long story short, when he was out of Korn, he was on his own: he had a house and a daughter to look after. The money that was entitled to him from the Korn royalties was not given to him due to a legal dispute and that is where the frustrations began to build up. This is how he describes it,

“Giving money to people and ministries when God tells you to, is very important to Him. He knows that we work hard to make that money; He knows how much money can mean to us, because most of the time we spend more hours at work than we do at home with our families. But as you give whatever the amount the Lord tells you to give, you’re showing Him that you trust Him to take care of your needs. You’re showing Him that money is not your god. When you give, He sees how much you give as well as the attitude you give it with and He ends up giving you back more than you gave away.
I had always hated the feeling of being poor – like back before Korn, when I sold those stolen drum machines to make ends meet. I hated that feeling, I hated stealing and I hated being broke. So, when I got rich, I was determined never to be poor again. I had to keep making as much money as I could, so I saved a lot of the money I made in Korn, invested a lot of it, too. I resolved to have a big fat bank account forever, so I would never have to worry about money again. It was an obsession. I could never have enough. I always needed more.
You can imagine how I felt when I found out I wasn’t going to get money from Korn and then when I saw my bank account getting lower and lower after buying my house, recording equipment and giving some money away. I really had to start learning about God’s provision, because I was panicking.
I said, ‘GOD, LOOK AT MY BANK ACCOUNT! I GOT TO PAY MY MORTGAGE! I GOT TO TAKE CARE OF MY KID! THIS IS LOWER THAN I’VE SEEN IT IN 10 YEARS! PLEASE FILL IT BACK UP! I GAVE A WHOLE LOT OF MONEY TO THOSE MINISTRIES, LIKE YOU TOLD ME TO! WHERE IS THE RETURN?’
Of course, God was testing my faith and trust in Him. He was showing me that he was all I needed. He was letting my bank account get to the point when I really needed more money in it to live. It wasn’t just a mental greed thing where I just wanted more money. At that point, I really needed more.”
And He put it there.”
C)    Every great soul goes through the dark night be it Mother Teresa, St. John of the Cross or somebody else who has gone through this phase. Welch experiences, as mentioned in the book, seems like a modern-day St. John of the Cross. Here is why,

“I cried and worshipped the Lord in stillness and silence, listening to worship music and laying on the ground in His presence. It was time for God to do all the work and it was time for me to be quiet. That’s what got me through these dark times. Because God inhabits the praises of His people (Psalm 22:3) and He was right there with me the whole time. He taught me that the only thing I needed to do was be still and quiet while the pain surfaced and then I wold just cry it away. Usually the pain would surface when I was at home worshipping God, but there were times that it would surface while I was out and about in the middle of my daily routines. For instance, I would be driving with Jennea (his daughter) in the car and I would feel the pain rising and tears would come purring out of my eyes. But I would cry quietly, hiding my face from her so I wouldn’t upset her. Or I’d be in the studio and I would have to step into the restroom to have a good cry. Other times I found myself in public restroom stalls crying for a while too. I would get pretty annoyed when that stuff happened because I felt like a basket case, but I learned to remain silent and not complain to God because I knew that every tear I cried meant more healing for me. It was very hard to cry so much during that season but God helped me by showing me that the divine light of His Holy Spirit was shining in my soul, burning away all of the junk from my past and replacing it with the wisdom of His unconditional love – which was exactly what I needed in my soul – love.”
D)    Here is further testimony about his life as a Christian which gives a very practical outlook,

“I’ve had some of the best times of my life since I became a Christian. I have also been through some of the hardest times in my life too. But I’m sure it wasn’t easy for the Lord to get hung on a cross either and His Holy Spirit will strengthen me with the same courage and endurance as the Lord Jesus had in my time of need.
Those times of worship and fellowship have brought me so close to the heart of the Lord. They made me realize that I can get through anything with Him by my side. As time went on, that heavy depression that I had been battling for years finally went away. God completely took it out of me just like all the other things He set me free from. He replaced all those roots of anger and depression with roots of peace and happiness. But I still have bad days just like everybody else. They are not anywhere near as bad as they used to be, but they are still there. In the Christian life, things are not all perfect like some people say they are. It’s kind of like the different seasons of the year. One season you can be seeing, feeling, touching heaven, having all kinds of real encounters with the Lord and feeling higher than you ever imagined you could feel. The next season you might feel so spiritually dry that you’re going to crack. It’s just the way it goes. But I’ve learned that the spiritual droughts are just as important for my spiritual growth as the times when I’m touching heaven. It all teaches me to walk by my faith in God’s love, not by my circumstances, feelings or by what I see. The Bible is very clear that Christians are called to be blessed by God but we’re also called to pick up our own crosses and suffer for our faith sometimes too. The coolest thing is after we endure our seasons of suffering obediently, God promises that more of Christ’s power will rest on us (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10).
     I can’t sit here and tell you that my life finally ended up perfect after sticking with God but I can tell you this: it’s all worth it because God is very real and I can get through anything and everything I have to in this life, good or bad, because God loves me and I love God. Period.”

            These were some of the golden spiritual nuggets that I drew out from this book. It is amazing what God can do with our lives once we give it to Him. My prayer and wish is that these things would be of some hope and encouragement in your spiritual journey as it was and still is in mine. 

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