Journeying Inward

Journeying Inward

Cl. Mario D’Couto SDB

            It is said that the longest journey that ever was and ever will be is the journey within. It is a life – long progress and as mentioned before, it goes on till the end, even till one’s death. The world that we live in today is filled with so many things and it offers us so many different possibilities. It is up to us to choose for the best or for the worst.
            Louise Hageman O.P in her book, “In the midst of winter” quotes Karen Harvey’s explanation about the theory of alienation. Quite often in our lives, we are presented with so many things that could catch our attention and consequently we are left with several choices that finally we end up making the wrong choice though not always. Sometimes we choose the wrong models and we think that is what is best for us, failing to realize that ultimately what will really bring us genuine joy and happiness is present within.
Karen Harvey contends that under favourable conditions, our energies are directed to realizing our potential. Our very nature moves us to strive towards self – realization. However, under inner stress or suffering, we may be alienated from our real selves and throw our energy into building a false, idealized self. This idealized self is based on a pride which is filled with doubts and self – hate. To relieve the tension of this inner conflict, we often assume attitudes of domination, self – allurement or resignation.
It is important to note the difference between the neurotic search for glory and healthy human strivings. The difference is of great significance since through this, it helps us to know as to what cause or makes a person to suffer in his search for glory. There are basically 2 things in this regard (neurotic personality),

Ø  A neurotic person is not able to be flexible. This means that he or she is unable to adapt to a given moment or to react differently to different situations.

Ø  The neurotic individual is unproductive and this is because inspite of the favourable external possibilities, he feels that he stands in his own way.

            This latter symptom, the inability to realize his potential, is at the root of the neurotic’s rigid unrealistic image of himself. His energies are spent trying to keep intact a self – esteem which he considers ideal, but which is not in accord with his real potential. When he falls short of his idealized self, he blames his failure on external factors. He sets to work to mold himself into a supreme being of his own making. He holds before his soul an image of perfection and unconsciously tells himself, “Forget about the disgraceful creature you actually ARE, this is how you SHOULD and to be this idealized self is all that matters.”
            Harvey calls this the tyranny of the “Shoulds.” One should be able to endure everything, to like everybody, to understand everything, to be always productive. The neurotic has a need to be right and hence feels he should never be criticized, doubted or questioned. Because as a human person, he is criticized, doubted and questioned, he is doomed to suffer from the start, inauthentic though the suffering may be.
            Self – hate and self – contempt are some of the worst things that could happen to someone. When an individual shifts the centre of his unique self to his idealized self, he exalts himself and must also look at his actual self from a distorted perspective. The glorified self is a phantom to be pursued as well as measuring rod by which to judge his actual being. This actual being is such an embarrassing sight when viewed from the perspective of godlike perfection that he cannot but despise it. His conflict ends in self – hatred.

            Self – hate indicates a rift in the personality which began with the creation of an idealized self. The person is not able to love himself. Such self – hate signifies that a war is on. Man, in reaching out for the Infinite and Absolute, also starts destroying himself. By his self – idealization he figuratively makes a pact with the devil who promises him glory. In the process, he has to go to hell – the hell within himself. 

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